


How many licks to the center

by holdingbreaths



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Genre: (or not), Anal Sex, And they go in a beautiful adventure!, Banter, Blow Jobs, Explicit Sexual Content, Humor, Link is 18 years old, Love/Hate, M/M, Oral Sex, Porn, Rim job, Rimming, Smut, explicit - Freeform, fabulous ghirahim is fabulous, flamboyant ghirahim, let's kill Demise!, much licks, very gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-05-16 20:10:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5839336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdingbreaths/pseuds/holdingbreaths
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fi, Link and Ghirahim are, against all odds, together in a road trip to destroy Demise.</p><p>But everyone knows that the road to Demise is paved with Rihanna songs, unwanted gay thoughts and good intentions.</p><p>Or something like that.</p><p>Plot-ish crack!fic. (does that make sense?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And I sure would like some sweet company, I am leaving tomorrow, what d'ya say?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! So, I'm a huge fan and I can say that Ghirahim is, by far, my favorite character. He's the most interesting, the most unexpected villian of the whole series, and I really wish the fandom would use him more!
> 
> After finishing Skyward Sword again, I'm once again Ghirahim's trash, and I ended up stuck with a bunch of dialogue I think Link and Ghirahim would totally exchange, giving the opportunity (and if Link could talk, of course). This fic was not supposed to have plot, but it also ended up being a study about the following premise:
> 
> What if Ghirahim wasn't as loyal as he is on the game? Would he stuck with Demise 'till the very end?
> 
> I'm not sure how those two are going to end up doing the do, so I'm not sure it won't become a rated M fic soon. It's all very unclear, to be sure. I hope this fic won't take long!
> 
> Oh, and this is no beta'ed, so be aware!

Life is a funny thing, he thought in a second. You think you know exactly what you want, what you desire and what your purpose is. It gives you security, this kind of certainty. And then, in a second, you doubt. And that second of doubt will fuck you up.

After all, what are you without your purpose? Just a gorgeous, toned, tall, mysterious, talented and sexually addicting demon lord?

 _Well_ … well.

The thing was, Ghirahim felt it. He felt the moment Demise rose from his seal, anew to the world, powerful once again. He felt when Demise looked at him, and he knew the King was not seeing another demon, he was seeing the sword, his sword, the weapon that once in a age ago Demise forged out of Ghirahim’s own soul. And he felt when the King started to reach inside, pulling the sword free, destroying Ghirahim… no, not destroying, making him true to his purpose. Becoming him what he was always meant to be.

He felt all that, and he doubted.

The doubt came because he _liked_ being Ghirahim. That body… that body was his. Hot legs, strong arms, his magnificent long tongue, his white hair and his fabulous clothes. He loved everything, every second of it, of being the fearsome demon lord that could raise hell and lick heroes and… why the hell would he be a sword? Yeah, sure, being a sword _could be_ fun, being able to cut and feel the life pulsating around his body just a second before it vanishes in a sea of warm blood, _but_ … maybe being a person was a better idea? Hmm…

It was a thought and then it was a doubt and then he was running towards the top of the Sealed Grounds and thinking “ _How the hell could I serve a redhead anyway?_ ”, and maybe thinking “ _He looks a bit chocked. Maybe I broke Master?_ ”. He still had time to realize “ _Oh, blondie is still floating!_ ”, and with a movement of his wrist, he vanished Zelda towards the Gate of Time, uuhh, I hope she doesn’t bump her head too hard, sorry, Goddess! He was almost at the top now, Demise’s screens terrible like knives through the skin, when one last errant thought crossed his mind: “ _That green thing could be helpful. Uhm, and makes for a nice enough amuse-bouche._ ”. So he jumped, grabbed the boy by his ridiculous heavy (and many, why so many?) pouches and flickered out of existence.

*

“What. The. Hell. Ghirahim…”

“Lord Ghirahim, love. Although, I’m not fu-”

“YOU. ASSHOLE.”

“Lord Asshole. Again, not fussy, but a healthy amount of respect would do your skin wonders. I won’t have to cut it in small little pieces.”

And then the sacred blade was against his neck, and Ghirahim could feel it pressing too, since he was back on his ordinary skin-and-bones persona, and not wearing the hard-as-steel looks. White did wonders for his eyes anyway, and he had grown so fond of those nice long sleeved gloves, it would be a shame to not wear it again.

The hero of the legend was pressing him against a wall, all rage and heroism and big eyes and honestly-to-goddess perfect hair and skin, this baby should be doing make-up commercials, not hunting monsters, doing the whole “Maybe he’s born with it, maybe it’s Master Sword” – Hylia sure knows how to pick her chosen one, oh my.

“Listen here, you can kill me. You’ve proved that already.” Ghirahim flicked that blade slightly with his fingers, but Link didn’t move it an inch. “Oh, yes, yes, big huge hero with a big huge… sword. Or so we hope for.” Ghirahim smiled in a way he knew disconcerted the young man.

“And you’re gonna give me a reason not to kill you, I believe? Or you’re just gonna pull your usual moves and stand there talking shit and licking my sword?” Ghirahim raised his (almost non-existent, we know, we know) eyebrows high up because licking the Master Sword was _exactly_ what he was about to do, he had to retreat his tongue so fast he almost swallowed it. Link just shrugged. “The whole ‘French kissing random blades’ thing was fun the first times, but it’s getting kinda old.”

“Oh, my, what should I do to make your nervous, then?” Ghirahim liked the boy, what the hell, he was fun enough.

“Maybe you could bring destruction upon us all by waking the most ancient evil to ever walk the land, Ghirahim, what the hell?”

“Oh… hm, about that? Can we like? Forgive and forget? We all make mistakes, yadda yadda, we had our fun together, didn’t we? It’s not all hard feelings and Master Swords _through my fucking chest_ , is it?” he spoke the last words lowly and very close to the lad’s face, because god fucking dammit, his body was still hurting.

“How can we forgive and forget if that abomination is still running free? And where is Zelda? Actually…” Link decided to look around just now, head on the clouds as always. “where the hell are we?”

“And that, you excuse for a hero, is why you can’t kill me.”

“What?”

Okay, so the boy was little dumb. Nothing Ghirahim couldn’t deal with, he had whole battle plans with Bokoblins before, he can do it.

“You have no idea” he decided it was safe to push the hero away, since he looked willing to listen. “where you are. You have no idea where Demise is, or where he will be, or how to defeat him. So I think it’s high time you start dealing with the fact I’ll live to see the red thread of our fate entwine once again. Put that ridiculous thing down and out of my face, it’s offending my beauty.”

The hero of legend stood looking at him for a bit of time, but that was okay, Ghirahim was gorgeous enough that he could deal with a bit of a stare. Then Link looked at his own sword, as if considering putting it down. Well, that’s a good boy! Except for the fact he started talking with the thing.

“Fi, is he right? We don’t know where we are?”

“You called for me, Master?” Oh, yeah. The blue thingy that lives in the sword and speaks in a irritating voice to state the obvious. Cute hair, though. “What do you seek?”

“The answer to his fucking question, maybe?”

It (it looked like a her, but Ghirahim wasn’t quite sure) didn’t look in his direction, but clearly responded to his criticism, not waiting for Link’s answer. “Our current whereabouts are unknown to me, Master. I can detect there’s a 85% chance that we are still on the surface. I detect that the chances of we returning to the Sealed Grounds on our own are down to 65%.”

Link shrugged. “That’s not so bad, we’ve faced worst odds. What are the chances of that happening before Demise kill us all?”

“Less than 13%, Master.”

Under his breath, Ghirahim muttered: “And I predict a 98,3% chance that all those numbers are bullshit.” He was sure Link wasn’t able to listen to him, but Fi turned those disturbing eyes towards him. It’s supposedly emotionless face showed just the tiny bit amount of murderous wishes to be recognized by the demon. He blew it a kiss.

“Okay. Those are not good news, but I’m surprisingly good at finding maps in times of need.” Link was getting cocky, it sure was the end of the world as we know it. “The only reason I have to keep you alive, Ghirahim, is if you can tell me what happened to Zelda. No tricks, and I’ll let you go.”

Ghirahim considered tricking him anyway, saying ‘no tricks’ to a demon is like waving candy in front of… a demon. But the boy was nothing if not gullible, and the demon lord was all about good sport. It wouldn’t be fun.

“You will rejoice your little naïve heart on the news that the Goddess is alive, of course. I couldn’t hope to destroy Demise if she’s dead, so I sent her towards her own time. She’s back at the Sealed Grounds with that old twig.” He did a dramatic movement with his hands, to indicate her departure.

“But what’s our guaranty that Demise won’t go after her? Doesn’t he need her soul?”

Ghirahim tried, but couldn’t help throwing his head back in frustration. “You little worms prayed for the destruction of Demise over the Triforce itself. He can’t _exist_ in your time, he’s an impossibility. If he travels through the Gate he’ll be wiped out. Besides, without her soul and his sword he’s too weakened.”

“His sword? You?”

“Oh, praised be Hylia, the boy was paying attention!”

Link rolled his eyes. “Right, but why aren’t you by his side? You did have all the trouble to bring him back, after all.”

“A demon lord can’t have a change of heart?” Ghirahim started walking (and occasionally disappearing and reappearing) by the cave they were currently occupying, flaying his arms and completing each word with a dramatic gesture. “I thought it would be majestic, glorious, fabulous. It wasn’t. It was all a little dull, all that cliché talk about destroying all life, where’s the fun in that? Where’s the elegance, the torture, the small acts of kindness that will break them sweetly when you finally decide to beat them to despair? Any Bokoblin with a knife can kill. I thought Master was going to be something greater, unique, poetic. All that muscle and red hair didn’t do much by me. So common, so ordinary… I can’t call that graceless beast a king. Can you imagine me bowing for that?”

“I _saw_ you bowing for that.”

“Yeah, well, I was. Caught. Up. In. The. Moment.” Ghirahim walked towards Link again, and this time he didn’t mind the hero’s personal space, leaning closer to his face. “Just the right kind of stimulation has brought me to my knees more than once before, I’ll let you know.” He chose to finish the innuendo by licking his lips, his tongue almost touching Link skin, close enough to taste.

The boy didn’t flinch this time, nor did he pull back. In fact, he had the audacity of affecting pure boredom.

“I told you, the tongue thing is getting old. So you don’t want to be Demise’s sword?”

“It’s not that I don’t _want_ to be his sword…”

“It’s just you’re too coward to do it.” At Link’s words, Ghirahim had to stop. He… he was going to kill the little insect, he was going to rip his heart out, he was going to destroy everything, he… “I mean, I get it. It looked painful, what he was doing. And you knew he couldn’t win me, I already destroyed him once with the Triforce. Hell, I fought him trice and put him back on his seal before I had the Triforce. You fought me and my sword, you knew I wasn’t going to give up and you knew he wasn’t strong enough, so why give everything away for a lost cause? I mean, what did you say that time, when you were flaunting your own body? You ‘have it all’? Why give everything away for a king that was ready to destroy you the second he saw you?”

“Don’t-” and Ghirahim’s voice trembled with pure fury, his fingers opening and closing over nothing. “Don’t, for a single second, believe that you know anything about me. I was devouring this world long before you ever dreamed of came into existence! You think you know how to cut? I was the blade and the bleeding wound, little thing, before your eyes opened to the light! I was the darkness around the stars and the rope around the hanged man neck long before you…”

“Master, I have important information to tell you.” Fi’s electronic voice cut through his speech before he could get to the bloody climax, that would surely be his fingers through Link’s eye balls. “My analyses can confirm that the demon known as ‘Ghirahim’ has walked the earth for just the past thirty years, living first as a damned _common_ soul in the abyss, and after as an inanimate sword without free will. Analyses completed.”

And the goddamn spirit/computer/petty-blue-ridiculous-thingy gave him a look that clearly stated that, if she had arms, she would be blowing him kisses out of the tip of her middle finger. It was a very talkative look.

“Long before I was born, hm?” Link commented, a smile on his lips. “Long, long, long before? So like, twelve years?”

Ghirahim considered that it might be less painful to live as a sword.

**

“So let me try to understand.” Link could hear Ghirahim moaning by his side, a hand over his eyes and head throw back, all dramatic posture. They were sitting on the cave’s floor now, Fi out of the sword just so she could fuck with demon lord more often. Link was loving this turn of events, not just because Fi was finally showing more emotion – hate, despise, pettiness, all great emotions to show – but because Ghirahim often couldn’t find an answer to Fi’s blows. It was great fun. “The ritual wasn’t finished, and Demise would have to use you to summon Zelda’s soul and the rest of his power?”

“In a certain way, he’s still imprisoned, o hero of mine.” Ghirahim answered. “He has the power to create new realms, and he’s probably hiding in one of them right now, licking his wounds. But he won’t be able to attack until he has a sword forged out of a damned soul.” Ghirahim moved his hands from the tip of his boots all the way to the top of his body, finishing with his hands in the air. Link was going to read the gesture as the equivalent of ‘a soul like me’.

“Can he do another sword like you?” Ghirahim opened his mouth, but Link was faster. “No, no, let me fix that before you say anything: I know it won’t be as fabulous, or gorgeous, or wonderful, or rainbow-filled or whatever-the-hell _like you_ , but you know, can he do another sword at all?”

The demon smile would fit perfectly on the face of a twelve year girl with ponytails, and that made it all more disturbing.

“Oh, you’re so cute, my lil’ chosen one!” and he closed a hand over Link’s thigh and leaned closer, continuing to talk.

Now, Link could hear the demon talking, but he was a little busy making decisions on his head (not a problem, Fi would probably repeat the whole speech right after, it was her way of feeling useful). He could push Ghirahim away and make a disgust sound, like he was inclined to do – the thing was a demon, after all, and that same hand that was caressing his thigh back and forth punched him hard enough to draw blood just this morning. But it looked more and more like they were about to spend some time together in an all happy, lets-kill-Demise, little family trip; and Ghirahim loved to make him squirm. Link figured that if he didn’t show any discomfort, the fun would be over soon and the demon would find another way of being just as creepy and annoying.

So he made a resolution – he wouldn’t react to Ghirahim’s licks and grabs. He would look him dead in the eyes every time he made such movements, and show he wasn’t caring, not even a tiny bit. That, in fact, he was just bored with it all.

“Master, my analyses conclude that we must proceed to one of Demise’s gate before he manages to forge another blade for himself.” And there you go, blessed be Fi’s little soul.

“Okay, so the last question would be, where the fuck are we?”

Ghirahim leaned even closer, his tongue right under Links earlobe: “I do love to hear you say the word ‘fuck’, who would guess you could be so naughty?”

I won’t react. I won’t react. I won’t react.

“Look, Ghirahim, you don’t want to tell us, that’s fine. I didn’t think you’d want to be back on the same room with Demise, but if you want to be our guide, just fucking lead the way.”

Hmm. Funny, he thought to himself. Link wasn’t that prone of cursing, he never liked it much. I guess having a demon lord almost literally perched on your shoulder – or falling over your lap – can do wonders for your personality.

Not reacting did the trick. Ghirahim backed off entirely and flipped his white bangs in his patent royal way, sighing.

“I should have guessed a boy with such ordinary features would be no fun. Tell that blue thingy of yours to open a map, I’ll show you our location. You only want me for my body and incredible knowledge.”

“You can tell her yourself,” Fi was currently lying in front of them, floating a few inches from the floor, completely alienated from their talk. “but back up a bit, what do you mean, ordinary features?”

“It’s your blue thingy, and by the way, I think it’s slightly offensive that you call it a she. And what do you mean, what do _I_ mean? You’re nothing special, skinny-legs, or do you think you’re on your way to win Hylia’s Next Top Hero anytime soon?”

“I _am_ the hero, what are you talking about, you bleached weirdo? There’s no ordinary thing on being a hero, besides, calling her ‘it’ is the offensive thing!”

“Calling who a what?”

“Calling Fi a it! She’s a she! And I’m a hero!”

Fi was currently whistling a version of the Hero’s Song and spinning sloooooooowly on the air.

“And I’m gorgeous, something you’re not. You’re just a normal boy with constantly bed hair, girly lips and some dubious choices in pants.”

“Oh, you _think_ you’re gorgeous? How about some good night of sleep, those purple bags under your eyes don’t look healthy, buddy. And I’m. not. a. boy!”

“How dare you!” the demon lord was on his feet. “My skin is perfect! It’s all soft and unblemished and I even smell good, how many demons do you know that smell good? You try working with Bokoblins all day and still look and smell this good, you simpleton! Only a stupid _boy_ couldn’t understand that a sword has got no gender! It’s offensive!”

“What the hell are you on about?” Link was on his feet as well, vaguely aware Fi was spinning faster, and that his speech was getting more and more childish. “You think so much of yourself, I bet even your farts smell like roses! But hey, maybe, maybe, you’re not all that, oh Great Lord Demon! Maybe the Bokoblins don’t like your smell, have you thought about that? Or do you keep licking them too, you creep?”

“WHY WOULD I LICK A BOKOBLIN?”

“FI IS OBVIOUSLY A GIRL!”

They both stopped, breathing fast like they were just racing. Then, uninvited, Link realized a feeling was coming up his chest. It was bubbling up and it was going to go out like lava from that ridiculous volcano. He couldn’t help it. He started laughing.

And laughing. And laughing. Once he started, he couldn’t stop. He could see, from the corner of his eye, that Ghirahim was just about to laugh as well. Two seconds later, the demon had both his hands over his mouth.

“Ghi-Ghirahim… what the hell are we arguing a-about?”

“Sweet Hylia in the sky, I have no idea.” He was wiping tears out of his eyes from laughing so hard. “There was a point in it, but I lost it when you dared to imply my hair is anything less than a natural beauty.”

“Oh, well, it does look very natural in the right light.” At Ghirahim’s honest to God pout, Link just laughed and decided to throw the demon a bone, by threading his fingers through the soft white hair. “C’mon, your hair looks good, can you please tell us where the hell are we?”

“We’re not in hell, that much I can say.” Ghirahim still flipped his bang, but looked way more satisfied with the simple compliment. “Would you please open your map?”

Ghirahim sat with his legs crossed in a high stone, looking ready to start the previous discussion all over again. For a small second, Link thought about taking the bait and falling into the same path again (well, that have been… kinda fun?), but they were now both saying ‘please’ and acting like adults, so he was going to compromise and ask Fi himself for the map.

“Here it is, Your Highness. Anything else you want?”

The demon was already hunched over the map, a pink glitter pen he produced out of thin air on his hand, but he still answered: “I would love very much if you called me Your Highness from now on, but I’m _really_ not fussy, dear. Here we go, we’re just outside that disgusting Kee-wee-something infested woods. We’re on the caves that connect it underground with the Lanayru mines over here. Those caves don’t exist anymore in our time, but they were still standing right before Hylia sealed my Master. The three realms of the surface were all connected back then – I suppose I mean to say ‘now’. In here” He circled the empty space between Lanayru Desert and Eldin Volcano. “was the old Bokoblin factory, where King Demise would forge his army. It was also where he forged my soul into his sword.”

Ghirahim got silent. Link figured he still had some issues with abandoning his Lord, but he couldn’t begin to understand what was going on in that twisted mind. He decided he didn’t have to.

“Okay, so you think he might be there?”

“It does make sense, don’t you think, dear peasant of mine?” Link’s map was surely ruined, a pink road draw between their currently location and the other side of Lanayru Desert. “That he would go back to the one place where he can forge a sword, and maybe gather some allies? He can’t just pick a Bokoblin soul and turn it into a sword – it would probably be more like a butter’s knife – but it won’t take him long to find the right creature to become his weapon.”

“Well, that’s good then. We just have to follow this path, find Demise’s gate and kill him! It’ll be so easy and simple!”

They didn’t follow the path, it wasn’t easy and it wasn’t simple, and even as he was saying, not even Link could believe it.


	2. Pet names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Link was being licked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really short chapter, I'm sorry! So much shorter than the first one, but I thought it was best to post shorter chapters than to wait for the Muse to hit me with a big one. The first chapter had to locate the story a bit, the next chaps will be all about dialogues between Link and our favorite Demon Lord. Unfortunelly, I can't really write Link as the mute hero we've all grown to love, so I guess it would be a bit OOC? hahaha Hope y'all enjoy it!

Link was being licked.

It was shaking his resolve, this being licked thing. It was shaking a lot of his resolves. The first one, of course, the resolve of not reacting to Ghirahim obscene behavior: not reacting was getting harder and harder (oh, wrong word to think about) because, well, he was being licked. The second one, the resolve of being a pure, honest, valiant knight for the Goddess: he was so tempted to just yell a couple of curses and bitch slap the demon, it would be so satisfying, he can almost taste it. The third resolve, was the resolve of being a hero at all: he could take wounds, stabs, poison, not sleeping, not eating, he could even take cuccos, but if the sacrifice Hylia asked of him was being licked by Ghirahim, he was this close of saying ‘Fuck it’ and go live with that fat guy on the bamboo island.

Another lick, sloooooooowly going from the back of his neck all the way to his eyebrows.

“Oh my Goddess, GHIRAHIM, why, why, why are you licking my eyebrows?” Link congratulated himself. He managed to not yell the whole sentence, but just the demon’s name. When he finally turned towards the other, of course Ghirahim was a couple of feet back, his immense tongue long enough to disturb even from that distance.

They were currently walking down the endless caves that were labyrinth-like enough that Link had to admit that only Ghirahim could find a way out, guided that he was by the smell of fresh blood or whatever the hell that made him often stop suddenly, throw his white bangs around, do a grand gesture with his hands and point the right path.

“Oh, you-you don’t like it?” Ghirahim said with affected innocence that couldn’t fool anyone. Well, maybe Fledge, but then again, what could ever be said about that poor soul beyond his bad make-up choices? “And here I was, thinking you didn’t mind it a single bit, you have been ignoring my caressing for the past, what now, three hours. In fact, Skychild, I thought you were beginning to like it, hm, no?”

Link stopped walking at all, turned to Ghirahim, and answered in the most calm voice he could muster.

“The fact I’m not using the Master Sword to cut your tongue out doesn’t mean I enjoy my body being licked within an inch of my life…”

“I haven’t got that far, trust me, you’re going to feel it when I get that far…”

“And I also don’t care much about you calling me Skychild. Guess what, maybe _I’m_ the fussy one.”

“I did not slowly lick the sweat out of your entire trembling, naked, suntanned hard body, thrusting my wonderfully skilled tongue on the depths of your most secret valleys and tasting your forbidden musk; I did no such thing, sir, your accusations are absurd!” How could Ghirahim say all that with a straight face was beyond Link’s understanding. The demon broke the spell by slowly licking his lips and smiling, to which Link decided was the queue to go back to his walk, Ghirahim’s voice floating behind him. “Even if it _is_ a great idea, thank you. Now, the other part of your endless complaints raises the question: what should I call you? Darling?”

“Nope.”

“Love?”

“Ha! Like you know what it means!”

“Seven inch hard cock?”

“Try nine.”

“Praised be Hylia indeed! Oh, I know, I could call you Little Grasshopper! Since you’re so little and green and often flying about like the smallest and cutest of insects! Also, you’re a fucking plague that came out of the sky to destroy and eat away every single one of my dreams, like a little cute epidemic wave!”

“How about you just call me by my name?”

“Oh, but I keep forgetting it! I never know it for sure, are you the one called Zelda or…?”

Everything became red around the hero’s vision. That’s it. Link was going to kill the bastard. Demise could have the rest of the world in flames, Link would shove the Master Sword deep in the freak’s-

“Master, I don’t recommend this course of action.” Fi suddenly appeared in front of him. “While it would be equally satisfying for us both, I’m not sure it would be reasonable for our future.”

Ghirahim’s face appeared just over Fi’s shoulder.

“I could call you Master, but you’d have to tie me down and spank me a little before I do it.”

Long breaths.

“Spank you a lot sounds like a wonderful plan right now.” Link turned his back once again to Ghirahim. “If only I knew for sure you’re not into that.”

“Oh, please, we are both aware that I am simply much more of a dom than you. You’d be on your knees, begging for my collar, long before you laid a hand on my perfect behind. That being said, would you please explain why I’m not to call you Skychild? It has such a nice ring to it.”

“Ghirahim, I’m not a child, I’m not a boy. I’m a man. I may be only eighteen, but I’m already a knight in Skyloft, and if I’m old enough to bear the faith of being the chosen of the Goddess, then I’m not to be considered a boy.”

“Oh, but you misunderstood me!” Ghirahim materialized just in front of him, walking backwards along the path. Link didn’t even flinch, he was getting used to the demon’s theatricals. “When I say _child_ , I don’t mean to say child, child, like, you know, child. I mean to say child as in, I’m a child of Hell, and Fi is a child of Hylia, and Bokoblin’s are the children of nightmares and bad graphics decisions. It’s not child like, oh, you’re a child, let me get you your baby bottle. Even though I could always feed you some warm milk…” before Ghirahim’s hand could get any lower on his white spandex, Link decided to stop him in his tracks.

“BESIDES… hm. It’s a bit weird if you’re saying so many innuendos and calling me child, even for a demon, you gotta agree it’s beyond your normal level of creepy.”

“Oh.” Ghirahim stopped, like he hadn’t thought it through this angle. “Oh, I see. I mean, you _could_ ask me to stop the innuendos, but you’re choosing to stop me calling you child. I seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Well, that’s decided, then, I’m only calling you ‘Sky Stallion’ from now on.” At Link’s raised eyebrows, the demon only smiled and made a wide gesture with his gloved hand, pointing towards Link’s body. “You did say nine inches, didn’t you?”

The hero was surprised by laughing at the surrealism of the conversation.

“Only if I get to call you Gigi.”

To Link’s surprise, ‘Gigi’ only jumped over his shoulders, hugging him like only a crazy demon lord with no respect for personal spaces and the sexual thirst of a hundred Cawlins can hug.

“I love it!”

And so continued the adventures of Gigi and the Sky Stallion, not suited for minors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, just thought about something: if you wanna give me a small prompt for this fic, you could! There won't be many chapters focused on story, so you could always put a little theme for Gigi and the Sky Stallion to discuss, like: "apples" and I'll write a lil' chapter about them being sassy and sexually perverted around apples. Alright? Alright!


	3. Ghiralicious (but I ain't promiscuous) (maybe I am)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Link eats, Ghirahim talks boys and kisses, and Fi has pics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, dudes, another chap! This one is a bit longer.  
> Okay:  
> WARNING: discussion between character about the possibility of NON-CONSENSUAL SEX, that is, rape. It's a short scene, and the rape doesn't actual take place, but there's the brief discussion about Link's rapey feelings the first time they met, back in Skyview Temple.

There wasn’t much to eat in a devastated apocalyptic world, like the surface right after a clash between titans, or a war between gods, or the bitch fit between the goddess and the demon king, whatever you want to call it. Now, Ghirahim was fairly sure the young man wasn’t picky about what he put in his mouth (and wasn’t that a wonderful thought, he should totally tell it out loud, later, on the most inconvenient time!), since he apparently, on Skyloft, was only fed the many variations of pumpkin soup –

[and honestly, how _did_ Ghirahim could ever expect to beat this all mighty hero, so powerful that he could survive a eighteen years torture-diet of only fucking pumpkin soup? He was clearly unbreakable.]

– but eating Jelly blob soup was a bit much. And by much, Ghirahim meant disgusting much. Nightmare fuel much. Traumatizing and life altering much. Ghirahim could only stand by, watching with complete horror and fascination as the boy wonder (he’s not supposed to call him boy anymore, is he?) licked the grey sticky goop out of his fingers, diving once again to fill those pretty pink lips with another spoonful of _fucking. Jelly. Blob._

For a split second, Ghirahim risked looking over Fi, to see if the robot-like sword spirit was on her usual neutral self. He couldn’t be more wrong. Her blue light was turning positive green, and if she could vomit, the demon lord was sure she would have by now. Her unseeing eyes reflected pure revulsion.

For a second, both sword spirits connected. They could see Link’s action for what it was. This disgusting act was turning this family apart. They would never again be the same.

“Okay, the two of you, knock it off.” The supposed hero said, with such a calm voice you wouldn’t imagine he was still feeding on _fucking. Jelly. Blob_. “I can see you both making vomit faces and exchanging smart looks, but I’ll have you know this dinner is just what I needed right now. I mean, I know it’s not Henya’s stuffed pumpkin, but I, for one, need actual food to remain alive, unlike the two gourmet experts here. So unless you’re willing to give me any better ideas, it’ll be Jelly blob soup with tumbleweed for the remaining of our journey, with a side of ladybugs if I’m feeling it.”

The sounds of disgust and terror that fell out of Fi and Ghirahim lips would have been comical if this wasn’t a completely tragic scenario.

“Anything, Master. Eat anything.” Fi begged. “Anything but Jelly blob. Eat your pouches, you have so many. You could possibly do a Bokoblin barbecue, eat that. Eat your sword. I won’t mind.”

“It’ll probably taste better than Bokoblin barbecue.” Ghirahim agreed, vehemently shaking his head. “It’ll definitely smell better than Jelly blob.”

“Eat one of the hooks, you have two. Eat those green leafs that grow around your bombs.” Fi continued to list. “Eat the fairy you’re carrying in a bottle. Eat Ghirahim.”

“Oh, yes!, by all means, _eat Ghirahim_.” he couldn’t possibly turn down such a nice cue, and since Link was finishing his horrendous dinner, Ghirahim could safely approach where he was sitting. Standing right in front of Link, Ghirahim decided pulling on the hero’s hair, so that his neck was exposed and the boy was eye level with his crotch (even though the demon wouldn’t dare stand as close as he would want to). “Eat me, doll. I swear I’ll even be sweet, just for you. Oh, and I’ve got a nice amount of hot protein just waiting to get on your mouth.”

Link blinked. And blinked. And finally, made a disgusted sound on the back of his throat, tongue out as if he was about to vomit.

The small act was enough to get Ghirahim flipping the fuck out.

“This is so… so… OUTRAGEOUS!” the demon heard himself yelling, aware he was being dramatic. Well, it wouldn’t be the last time. “SUCH DISRESPECT! THE INSOLENCE! Ugh, I wanna BURN you!”

“No, wait.” Ghirahim could see that Link was trying hard not to laugh, and he swore to himself that if the boy so much as chuckled he would end his miserable life right that second. “You spend almost a whole day licking me, you keep on saying things that would make Demise-Father-of-all-Evil blush, now you suggest I should _eat_ you while pulling on my hair, which, I gotta say, I gave no consent to, and _you’re_ the outraged one?”

“Oh, so I offended your tiny morals?” Ghirahim responded from the other side of the cave, embracing his cape like a diva on a tantrum. “You have the courage to stuff your huge mouth with the filthy, smelly droppings of filthy, smelly animals and call it dinner; but the second I make the most subtle, most innocent suggestion, the second I offer the _honor_ and the pure pleasure of giving me fellatio, you pretend to be sick! You’re actually licking Chu-Chus waste and you would puke at the taste of my delicious flesh! What? Do you think I’m disgusting because of my inclinations?”

Silence in the cave. More silence. Finally, Link reacted.

“Come again?”

“You heard me, false hero!”

“I… might have heard you but I’m sure I didn’t understand. What do you mean, inclinations?”

He sounded genuinely ignorant. Well, he always sounded genuinely ignorant, the boy was as cleaver as a fucking rock, but he sounded even more on the dark than usual.

“My… inclinations.” Ghirahim honestly didn’t know how else to put it. “My preferences.”

“Preferences? Diamond shapes?”

“No, that’s not – ”

“White spandex?”

“No, just – ”

“Tacky jewelry?”

“COCKS, Link, I like cocks, alright?” the demon threw his hands in the air. “And for fuck’s sake, not the flying-and-singing-cucco kinds. The hard ones that will get you a happy end, that kinds of cocks.”

He could tell Fi was laughing. She wasn’t making a single sound or a single movement, she was just standing there, but deep down on her system, Ghirahim just knew the cow _was laughing her blue ass off_.

“Oh.” Link finally said, followed by more silence. He was going have to start calling it Silence, like on a Doctor Who episode. The hero was slow, so Ghirahim gave him the time needed to come up with a better answer. “Why would I be disgusted with your liking of cocks? If you weren’t trying to shove yours down my throat all the time, I wouldn’t even know you like them so much.”

“Oh, please, you big-macho heroes are all the same.” Ghirahim threw his body on the cave floor, falling dramatic-like in a pose, one arm stretched out and the other over his eyes. “You’re all disgusted by the thought of male erotism, so afraid your masculinity will crumble with just the right blow.” He tried hard not to snicker at the word blow, but it was hard. Ha. Hard. “That’s why you reacted like you did anytime I got closer to you when we first met, in Skyview.”

“Oh, yeah, that was totally my insecurities speaking.” Sarcasm was dripping from Link’s voice. “It wasn’t like you had just threatened to beat me black and blue. Or it wasn’t like a much more powerful fighter than me was literally showing me he could do whatever he pleased with my body, and I would have no control over it, that’s not it at all. I must be an asshole who can’t deal with the simple fact that people like sex, that _must be_ it.”

The demon lord turned his belly down on the ground, eyes glued on Link.

“Tell me, Skychild, were you really scared I could do anything to you that day? Were you trembling?” just the thought had Ghirahim slowly licking his lips with his obscene tongue. Well, he wasn’t going to actually _do_ anything, but the fact that Link actually thought, knew, he could do all sorts of twisted things with the hero and he wasn’t able to stop it was more than enough to get the demon going.

Link stared him hard, eyes narrowed and a controlled, calm, pose. Whatever fear the hero once had, it was clear he didn’t feel anymore. After a few – quiet, tense – seconds, Link continued as if he hadn’t been interrupted.

“One of my greatest friends in Skyloft _prefers_ boys, Ghirahim. I even tried to get him to hook up with his crush, once.”

“Oh, really? Did he get the boy?”

Link looked like he wasn’t expecting Ghirahim to be interested in the adolescent gossip of Skyloft, but answered anyway:

“He didn’t, actually. Turns out the other guy, Pipit, likes girls- eh, women. Well, I think so anyway. Maybe he just didn’t like Fledge that way.”

“Sooooooooooooooooo” Ghirahim was back on a good humor. “Did you ever kiss this Fledge-boy?”

“Why would I kiss him? I just told you, he’s my friend.”

“Oh, but the poor thing didn’t get his beloved, a hero should be able to comfort and console his friends in times of need!”

Ghirahim could see the wheels turning behind Link’s eyes, as if he was seriously considering the demon’s words. It was so easy to manipulate the knight, all Ghirahim had to do was say something about obligations and the hero’s conduct, Link would become a guilty mess in a second, always thinking he wasn’t good enough to be a hero.

“Well, I… I… I didn’t… I didn’t know I had to kiss him!”

“But Link, don’t you wish to try to raise his, hm… _spirits_?”

“I do, I try to be a good friend! I gave him stamina potions!”

“Really?” blessed be Link’s heart, this talk was getting more and more fun by the second. “Tell me, Skychild, is that good friend of yours pretty?”

“Sorry?”

“Simple yes or no question, hero of mine. Is he pretty?”

Link looked uncomfortable.

“The Academy teaches us that if we don’t have something nice to say about someone, we should remain quiet.”

“Oh, Goddess, he’s ugly. Fi, question, is he ugly?”

“I can infer with a 95% certainty that the young man named Fledge is not considered attractive, traditionally speaking.” A pause. “I have pictures.”

“Weeeee! Photos!” With a delighted sound, the demon lord jumped from his place and materialized right beside Fi, to see her images database. “By Hylia, Link, are you friends with this creature? Couldn’t you tell him to slow down on the blush? He might be worse than that thing with the red pompadour. Ugh, that pompadour, just thinking about it makes me sick.”

“I’m not sure I should be defending Fledge or Groose on this scenario.”

“You should be defending the good people of Skyloft and throwing those two horrid design mistakes you call friends down a very deep well. Or maybe a far, far cloud with no birds around. No wonder he didn’t get the boyfriend, who would date that? Oh, and how about the other one? His crush?”

“Pipit?”

“Pipit, is _he_ pretty?”

“Yes.” Link’s answer came way too fast. Interesting, Ghirahim thought to himself. “No, actually, I think he’s more like, handsome. Yeah”

Ghirahim and Fi silently looked at each other. He could bet the other sword was thinking the same he was.

“Miss Fi, do you happen do have pictures?”

Fi silently conjured an image of a tall, slender boy, maybe a few years older than Link.

“Kiss this one!”

“What do I have to console him for, he has a girlfriend! Shouldn’t I be kissing Fledge?”

“No, he’s ugly, we have established that!”

“Ugly people don’t deserve consolation? This whole conversation is so confusing.” Link looked so utterly lost, it was adorable. Ghirahim couldn’t resist it.

“Oh, Chosen One, Dear of the Goddess, Knight of Hylia, Hero of Time…” Ghirahim knelt between Links legs, hands travelling up and down his thighs. Given their height difference, they were almost on eye level. He used his sweetest voice, whispering so he wouldn’t scare the boy. “Sometimes we do things so we can be good, and sometimes we do things so it _feels_ good. You obviously think that Whats-his-name friend of yours is ugly, and you’re obviously attracted to Pipit. That’s okay, he _is_ very handsome, indeed. Now tell me, who do you _want_ to kiss?”

Ghirahim was leaning close to Link now. The young man had his eyes open wide – such beautiful, huge eyes – and his mouth slightly open in doubt. He couldn’t find the words to answer, and Ghirahim knew it wasn’t because he was considering kissing Pipit or Fledge. The conversation and the proximity of their bodies were messing with Link’s feelings, and that was exactly what Ghirahim wanted.

He watched in fascination as Link’s eyes travelled from his own eyes down to his mouth. He considered licking his lips, but the boy was right: the tongue thing was getting old. Ghirahim patiently waited, because he was good boy like that.

“I never…” Link stopped, than started again, swallowing hard. “I never thought about that.”

“Well, maybe…” Ghirahim leaned even closer, his gloved hand delicately brushing Links bangs back. He leaned the rest of the way, talking directly into Link’s ear: “Maybe you should… you should… brush your teeth, hero. Your breath smell like Chu-Chu’s shit.”

And with that, Ghirahim vanished into thin air, the sound of his laugh the only thing left behind. He would be back in a couple minutes but, for the moment, his work here was done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you all like this one.  
> The next one they'll be trippin' balls, so stay tunned!  
> P.S.: Wanna find me on tumblr? I'm legendofgig.tumblr.com !


	4. If you get burned, don't be surprised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of demonic nature and psychotropic glitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Sorry for the delay. This chapter would be a lot longer, in my opinion. I had to break it in two because  
> 1\. it would be soo much longer than the other chapters;  
> 2\. I didn't want to spend longer without posting anything.  
> It was such a huge dilema: should I finish and then post it, should I break it in two? So I broke it.  
> That means the trippin' balls part of the trip I promised will only come on the next chapter.  
> Also, more important, the lovely Ysaellis gave me a prompt and I said I would do it and, by HYLIA, I'LL DO IT.  
> No, serious, the pouches thing's coming on the next half of the chapter.  
> Hope ya'll like it!

“I feel like I haven’t seen the sun in daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays.”

“Master, I can affirm with a 100% certainty that, if the demon Ghirahim were here, he would demand you to stop being a whiny baby.”

Link stopped walking.

“Are _you_ demanding me to stop being a whiny baby?”

Fi just looked at him with unseeing eyes and a blank expression. And a whole lot of fucking attitude, in Link’s opinion, but he was going to accept this turn of events. He blamed Ghirahim for passing his bitchy swordy ways around.

“Where is he, anyway? I don’t trust him when he’s not around.”

“Perhaps you’re just missing him.” Fi murmured.

“I can hear you.”

“That’s good to know, Master, hearing might prove to be a helpful skill when you fight Demise.”

“By Hylia, you’re sassy today. I need back up.” Link decided, and started to sing-song: “Gigi, where are you? Come out, come out, wherever circle of hell you’ve crawled into!”

“What is it, now?” Ghirahim appeared just over a rock, sitting with his legs crossed and a bored expression.

“What’s the matter with the two of you today?” Link snapped. “You guys are not having fun enough? What’s with the sudden bad mood all around?”

“I have no idea what could possibly be affecting Miss Fi’s moods, but I, for one, am feeling underappreciated.” Ghirahim made a dramatic gesture and turned his back to the other side of the cave, not looking at Link.

Link realized that, given the chance and the audience, Ghirahim would stretch his existential crises into a full fit that would prevent them all from keep travelling the whole morning. If ignored, though, he would become moody and eventually vicious. It was a though choice to make.

“Come down and walk with me,” Link tried to balance his options. “I wanna know what got you feeling so blue.”

“Maybe I don’t want to talk.” Ghirahim lied terribly – the demon always wanted to talk. He was already walking by Link the next second. “Maybe I don’t wish to tell you how poorly you treat me daily and how little consideration this little party has with my feelings.”

“And where’s this coming from, hm?” Link asked, hurrying his pace. He knew this conversation would eventually lead to a fit of FURIOUS! OUTRAGED! SICK WITH ANGER! that would delay them, so he needed to cover some ground before it.

“It’s everything! Every little gesture you make on my direction! Just yesterday, you said ‘Oh, let’s find some place where I can lay my head for a second, I need to sleep, you can keep watch.’ No consideration if _I_ needed to sleep, if I was comfortable…”

“But you don’t sleep!”

“This morning you said, and I quote, ‘It would be nice to talk with other people, even though we would have to watch Ghirahim.’ And now, just now, I heard you saying you don’t trust me.”

“But you’re a demon, for fucks sake.” Link knew he was getting baited, and still he couldn’t control his own mouth. “Of course I don’t trust you. The last time I left you unattended for the time it took to finish one tiny little temple you woke the Evilest Evil to ever Evil, what the hell, Ghirahim.”

“You blaaaaame me for my past mistakes!” there, Ghirahim was on the floor. The walking was officially over for now. “I was a _CHILD_ back then! I didn’t know anything about the ways of the world! I’m so more mature now; I’ve grown and learned so much in our travels…”

“This was three days ago.”

“YOU CAN’T BLAME ME FOREVER, LINK!”

“Fine!” Link threw his pouches on the cave floor and sat down himself. If they were done walking he would at least get comfortable. “I won’t blame you for bringing back Demise, since you’re obviously doing an effort of trying and stop him again. But you can’t expect me to trust you, dude, you are a demon. There’s no going around that, just as there’s no going around the fact Lizalfos are Lizalfos. You might meet a charming one, and he might play nice for a while, but eventually you’re gonna get your ass in flames if you don’t watch out.”

Ghirahim blinked out of existence and reappeared again, kneeling over Link. His teeth were showing fangs and he had a dagger in his hand, pointing right at Link’s right eye, his other hand twisted painful in Link’s hair.

“If you ever dare to compare me again with those fucking brainless geckos, I swear to you I’ll rip your eyeballs out and feed them to you, so you can taste your own tears.”Ghirahim whispered. “Don’t try me, hero.”

Strangely, Link wasn’t afraid. It wasn’t because he didn’t think Ghirahim meant it, it was deeper than that. Maybe he couldn’t live in a constant state of fear, so his brain just decided Ghirahim wasn’t a threat anymore. It was like Zelda – she could be scary sometimes, but he could never really be afraid of her. Besides, their currently position reminded Link very much of the last time Ghirahim was straddling him, and the way that convo messed with his head. Wishing this particular memory away, Link just shrugged and stared Ghirahim dead in the eye.

“You see? I’m not saying you’re an animal that can’t control yourself.” He strongly pushed Ghirahim out of his lap and on the floor, hand on his own blade just in case the other decided to jump him again. “I’m saying a big part of you is being a fucking psycho. Look, Ghirahim, if any of my friends or colleagues ever tried to stick a dagger on my eyeball, I would kick his ass and never talk with him again. You? I just take it as another bloody Monday and wait for the fit to be over. You’re violent, you love violence, and I honestly can’t say I’m surprised or shocked by it, because you are, indeed, a demon. But I also can’t say I trust you around good people that can’t defend themselves. Me and Fi? I’m a knight and she’s literally a sword. But don’t ask me if I would bring you to Skyloft if you wanna hear an honest answer.”

“I may be a demon but I’m not a killing machine. I am not.”

Link stared at Ghirahim, hard. The demon was kneeling on the floor where Link had pushed him, white hair messy and covering more than half of his face, hands closed in fists, a tormented expression on his face. Link could see the demon was being honest, but he couldn’t, for the life of him, understand how.

“Okay.” Link whispered. “Okay. I’m not saying I agree with you just yet, but I want to understand how. What do you mean by it?” 

“I never…” Ghirahim stopped, composed himself, sat down, dusted the dirty out of his clothes, fixed his hair. Link could see he was using the time to think. Finally, he started again, looking down: “I’ve never killed just for the sake of killing. All the dragons of the surface, did I kill them? No, never. I knew they could prove to be a nuisance, as they did, but I had _respect_ for their knowledge, for their age, for their magnificence. They weren’t expecting me, and I could have killed them. I didn’t. Even now, knowing what I know, I wouldn’t. They’re too unique and powerful to be laid to waste, and I value that. That’s who I am.”

“But you deny being cruel? Or a sadist – not just in a sexual sense, that is.”

Ghirahim flipped his white bangs, but still didn’t smile. “I like power. I’m… not opposed to the use of violence, and I actually see violence as a way of relaxing and feeling calmer. I see beauty and poesy in the flow of crimson blood, in the marks that blemish an otherwise immaculate skin. Oh, hero, I would’ve beaten you black and blue and I would’ve enjoyed torturing to extremes, Skychild, it gives me the chills just imagining the arousing screams I would’ve ripped from your pretty, pretty lips, if given the chance. But I never tried to kill you when you were just an innocent bystander, not before it became clear that you were powerful enough and determined to stop me and my Master. I always enjoyed the sport, and I never played dirty – well, I played dirty, but I wasn’t unfair. And the same goes for the Goddess: even though I knew she was about to awake any moment, I never tried to end her life. You can’t deny that.”

Link thought about it. Ghirahim did try to kill Impa, but not Groose. It was clear he had some twisted sense of ethical behavior, even if he enjoyed the bloodshed.

“So… you’re a moderate demon, then?” Link asked, for lack of a better definition.

“I wouldn’t say I’m a moderate _anything_ , Link.” Ghirahim looked away, still serious. “I’m just saying I was never one to join my fellow demons in the torturing of innocents and destruction of the weak, you should see those animals in their sanguinary orgies. Those would make your pure soul cringe in despair.”

Link kicked Ghirahim’s feet, trying to sheer him up. “Well, I can’t believe what I’m hearing right now. The great Lord Ghirahim, turning down orgies?”

That finally made Ghirahim look in his direction. Link realized the mistake he’d made the moment their eyes met – the next second, Ghirahim’s most wicked smile made an appearance, and Link could even see a hint of the devious tongue.

“Now, Mister Hero, you’re definitely flirting. Oh my. I’ll blush.”

Link could not help but return the smile, feeling his cheeks burning.

“I’m not…” he couldn’t even muster the strength to deny it, a shy smile on his lips.

“Fi, analysis!” Ghirahim called happily.

“I can confirm there’s 98% of a chance that the Master is indeed flirting. Analysis completed.”

“Hey! That wasn’t a real analysis. Besides, are you siding with him, now?”

Fi didn’t dignify Link’s question with an answer, choosing to spend her time better by floating up towards the cave ceiling and hanging upside down, imitating the bats.

“Anyway…” Sword spirts were all fucked up in the head and huge mistakes, Link was sure of it. “You’re not wrong. I won’t compare you to an animal again, but I can’t promise to trust you 100% just yet. We’re way too soon in this relationship of ours.”

“You want to take it slow, Skychild,” Ghirahim was moving towards him again, predatory look in his face. “I know how to make it real sweet for you.”

“You also know how to make it real awkward, Ghirahim.” Link rolled his eyes, getting up before Ghirahim could straddle him again. He picked his pouches from the floor and offered the demon a hand. “Are we good?”

“Only if we make out.” The smile on Ghirahim’s face was the sun itself.

“Fi, analyses!”

“100% chance of you being good, Master, or so I say myself.”

*

Ghirahim was quiet. Okay, don’t act so surprised, he could do quiet! Sometimes. For a brief period of time, okay, but he could do it. And he was thinking, actually. He knew it was coming. The Internal Monologue Time. The one that makes you change how you feel about everything around you, especially green wearing heroes. He took a deep breath. Here we go.

Lately, Link was behaving more li-

“Oh, look, sparkly!”

What was that stupid human child doing again? Well, fuck him, if he wants to wave his sword around like an asshole, that’s not Ghirahim’s problem, he has some Internal Monologue Time to-

“Gonna get me some spores!”

No. Wait.

“Link?”

“Yes, dear?”

“… did you hit that mushroom with your sword?”

“Oh, yeah. Love me some glittering spores.”

“Did you fucking hit that fucking mushroom with your fucking sword?”

The kid looked up at him. There was glitter everywhere. On his hair. On his clothes. The bottle he was currently closing looked like a goddamn Drag Queen’s make up bag after an earthquake. Glitter on his cheeks. Glitter on his fingers. Glitter on the finger he was currently sticking on his mouth, because Link was a filthy animal that enjoyed licking unknown toxic substances.

“Whass a matter?” Link said around his mouth full of fingers and _fucking glitter_. “You want some?”

Ghirahim took the young man’s hand and started running like Demise himself was on his ass. Thank Hylia Link knew better than to try and argue, running just as fast, even without a clue.

Ghirahim ran. He ran. He ran more. He knew it was hopeless but he ran anyway. They had to get away, and running was the only option since Link couldn’t disappear, fucking useless. He ran for what felt like hours, before Link started pulling on his hand.

“No, Ghi… Ghirahim. Stop! Why are we running, there’s no one behind us.”

“You fucking hit that mushroom, you imbecile!”

Link was leaning against the cave wall, panting. “So? I hit mushrooms all the time. They give that sparkly thing that is so helpful, and I like eating it, what’s the deal?”

“Not cave mushrooms, stupid!” Ghirahim couldn’t believe he had to explain that to the goddamn Hero, how the hell did Hylia chose such a jerk to be her knight? “Cave mushrooms, especially the ones in Lanayru Desert, give out hallucinogens spores when disturbed. And GUESS what you fucking did?”

Link took a step back both hands in front of him in surrender.

“Wai-wait up. Are we in Lanayru Desert already? This is greaaaaaaat news!”

Ghirahim walked over Link, hand raised, ready to bitch-slap the stupidity out of the boy, but he realized something: Link blue eyes were practically black, his pupils dilated and shining. This wasn’t the kid being stupid. This was the kid high as a fucking kite.

Ghirahim was sure he also inhaled some of the spores, so there was little time before he too boarded the crack train. What could he do? If only they could find some body of water to wash the glitter out – no, wait.

“FI! Fi, goddamn, that’s not the time to play, where are you?” The sword spirit flew out of Link’s back. “Oh, thank Hylia! Fi, we need to find water, Link will evolve to rave!Link any second now if we don’t–”

“I can predict with a 93,5% of accuracy that you are a little shit.”

She raised an armless sleeve to emphasize her argument and point at his face. The movement made her trip. _On air_. Still, she leaned closer, so very close to his face:

“Li. Ttle. Shii. Iii. It.”

“Why didn’t I fucking let Demise burn this whole shit to the ground?” Ghirahim whispered to himself, feeling the floor under him move without a reason, little pink balls dancing around his vision. These were about to be the dopest six-to-eight hours of his life, in the worst possible sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today it rained in Rio de Janeiro. It rained a lot. It rained a fuckin ton. It rained so fuckin much you guys have no idea. I'm just now relieved my best friend got home after FIVE HOURS of fucking trying. I had to spend half and hour waiting literally SEVEN METERS AWAY from my front door because the water wouldn't let me pass.  
> Do you know Rio actually means River?  
> We should just change the name to Pound de Janeiro and be over with it.  
> Kisseeeeeeeeeeees


	5. Feelin' so fly like a G6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Link, Ghirahim and Fi are tripping balls under psychedelic mushrooms. That means cave floor philosophy, Rihanna songs, licked wounds, random item-checks and Demise's pubic hair. In that order.
> 
> Oh. Link also might be slightly more gay than anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO HAPPY TO BE POSTING TODAY. I'm kinda of in love with this chapter, I LOVED writing those three in a crazy high, it was probably the best thing ever.
> 
> I have an important message to Idearizer - you asked me A LOT of questions on your last review, and I decided to absorb all of them in the next chapter, chapter Six. It'll be more of a plot-y chapter, since they're finally out of the caves. Expect existencial crisis from our favorite demon.
> 
> Also, Ysaellis - ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE. Small part about the pouches in this chapter, I was so happy when you asked about Ghirahim and Link's items, because of the whip.
> 
> And finally ImpureElegance (Nerdy_Girl) IS A JOY AND GORGEOUS AND WONDERFUL and drew us all a HILARIOUS panel from the "Pet Names" chapter. That dialogue is so much more funny with Link's reactions, I LOVED IT. I'll print it, I'm not even kidding, I'll print it and put it on my room.  
> Here's the link: http://impureelegance.co.vu/post/142020862453/from-this-one-ghiralink-fanfic-called-how-many
> 
> Hope you all like this chapter!

“I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean”

It was possible that Link was repeating the words “I mean” for the last half an hour. Ghirahim wasn’t sure. He knew he was the only one that could free the hero.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh.” His lips were comically round. Link was lying on the floor. They were all lying on the floor. Ghirahim started laughing. Of course they were lying on the fucking floor, where else would they be lying on? “I mean, I mean,” Oh no, not again. “I mean, why couldn’t her just put a box in my room? Like, the Triforce. ‘Open if necessary’. Why do another temple? I wouldn’t open!”

“Well, what’s the meaning of necessity, anyway?” Ghirahim was a fucking philosopher, he knew he was unveiling the secrets of existence, right there on that floor. “Open when necessary. What does that even mean? You’re hungry, you want a burger. Is it necessity? Your bird’s gone, is it ne-necessary? You want to kill a Remlin?”

“Why would I kill a Remlin?”

“Why wouldn’t you kill a fucking Remlin, Link?” Ghirahim couldn’t BELIEVE this fucking kid. Oh my Hylia, he felt about to cry, why WHY did he have to deal with someone who just doesn’t UNDERSTAND and “Who wouldn’t want to kill a Remlin? Anyone would kill those unliving beasts, given the power. They are nightmares and they just don’t die. It would be the first thing to wish for with the Triforce, you missed the chance of a, of a lifetime.”

“I would kill a Remlin.” Fi said, from under her wings-sleeves things. “I would kill five Remlins. I would kill five thousand Remlins with my bare blade, and I would _enjoy it_.”

“See, the lady gets it.”

“What laaaaaaaaaaady?” Link asked, and Ghirahim wasn’t sure the boy was speaking slowly or if he was hearing too fast. Or something.

“Fi, the lady sword.”

“You told me she wasn’t a lady.”

“I never said such a thing.”

“Yeah, you did. You told me I should call her it.”

“I told you I wasn’t sure she had a gender, I never said she wasn’t a lady.”

“But you’re not calling her a it!” Link threw cave sand at Ghirahim. Why? It was going to stick in his hair. Ghirahim was about to cry or maybe stab the fucking kid.

“I asked her!” Ghirahim answered, kicking Link’s legs instead of stabbing him. “I got to her and I said, hey, Fi, what’s your gender. And she answered.”

“What did she answer?” Link blinked. He had big, pretty eyes. Ghirahim was fucked, that man had the prettiest eyes on all land and he just couldn’t deal. He thought once again about crying.

“I said I don’t caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare.” Fi sing-songed, unable to dance while lying down. “Call me whateeeeeeeeever. Gender doesn’t make seeeeeeeeeeeeeense. All I see is good hair and bad hair.”

“Hylia almighty.” Link gasped, profoundly touched by her words. “Fi, you… You must _hate_ Groose.”

“That hair doesn’t make sense. That being is 100% senseless. I don’t caaaaaaaaaareeee.”

Ghirahim started crying.

*

His head was on Link’s lap. Link was rubbing sand on his scalp, but in a gentle way. Very, very gently rubbing sand on his scalp. Rub, rub. Ghirahim wasn’t crying.

“Hey, Skychild.” He whispered. No one should hear what he was about to say.

“Whaaaaaa.”

“Skychild.”

“Wha?”

“Skychild!”

Link pulled on his bangs, hard.

“Ouch. Why do you did- I mean. Why did you did? Do? Why?”

“You wanted to tell me something.”

Oh, yes. Yes. Ghirahim wanted to tell him something.

“Skychild.”

“Wha?”

“I want to sing you the song of my people.”

“The demons?”

“NOOO. The diamond people.”

Ghirahim was suddenly standing. He wasn’t sure if he teleported or if he just walked. His legs were trembling. His heart was beating fast. He was going to show this to Link.

“Do you require assistance?” Fi asked, solemnly. She, too, understood the importance. Ghirahim nodded. She was welcome to participate.

A low note sounded in the air. Ghirahim started singing:

“Find light in the beautiful sea” His arms were raised up, towards the sky, hands artistically crossed. “I chose to be happy. You and I, you and I.” As the song was raising its tempo, Ghirahim could feel his hips swaying. His hips were diamonds. His skin was diamond. “When you hold me, I’m alive: we’re like diamonds in the sky.” A coral started singing along on the chorus. Diamonds. Gorgeous, shinning diamonds. Fi was dancing. They were all diamonds.

“But _how_?” Maybe Link was asking how he could have music playing in a cave in the middle of fucking nowhere. Maybe he was asking how he knew Rihanna. It doesn’t matter. The point was, Link couldn’t understand. He couldn’t understand because he’s not diamond. He’s flesh.

“Palms rise to the universe as we moonshine and molly.” Yes, they were diamonds. Ghirahim could not control the dancing. The dancing was controlling him. Fi was raising her leg and spinning fast. Fi was diamond. “We’ll never die: we’re like diamonds in the sky.” He and Fi would never die. They were eternal. Link was flesh.

Oh no, this was a bad trip.

“Noooooooooo!” Ghirahim yelled suddenly, breaking out of the beautiful song. He was at Link’s feet, crying again, despair in his eyes, holding the boy’s calves like they were a lifeline. “I don’t want to let you goooo!”

“Ghirahim… whatchu on about, man?” Link was so slow, so beautiful and petite and vulnerable and smol and baby, but so fucking slow, so fucking damn dumb, it was amazing.

“You’re flesh! I’m diamond! I’m going to cut and cut and cut and you’re always going to bleed, and I’m just going to keep cutting because I can’t help it! You’re not eternal. You’re going to die and you’re human and flesh and I’m _perfect_ , why do I have to be perfect, why, oh Hylia, why did you have to make me so perfect that I am to suffer from all this perfection?”

Ghirahim sobbed louder. Fi danced. Link was slow.

“Is this… a bad thing?”

The demon stopped his sobbing and general suffering for a second. Of course it was bad, but… what if it wasn’t? What if… what if he was _allowed to cut_? He could feel himself getting vertigo from just the fought of it.

“Can I?” Ghirahim kneeled, hands around Link’s face. Such pretty eyes, suddenly bigger, more attentive, trying so hard to focus even though the world must be spinning to the poor hero.

“Gigi, what are you asking me?”

“Can I cut you, Link?”

Ghirahim could see his Adam’s apple bobbing as the young man swallowed hard.

“Just a little?” Link asked. Ghirahim nodded. He could do a little. A scratch. A flesh wound. Anything. “Where?”

“Your… your hand.”

Suddenly Ghirahim was holding Link’s right hand – the hand that held the Master Sword, the hand that brought justice and the bright light of pure goodness to the surface, the beautiful, immaculate flesh of the shinning knight.

“Can I?” The demon whispered. It was Link’s time to nod. He had such long fingers. Ghirahim held gently with one of his hands, while the other turned sharp and hard as metal. He wouldn’t hurt Link with a lesser blade, the hero was too precious. No, he slowly lowered his own hand against the palm, applying just the right amount of pressure to make blood rise to the surface. He could feel the skin opening, the warm blood, the chills rising. He had cut Link’s skin so many times, but it never felt this important, this ritualist, this…

It actually felt erotic. Ghirahim was hard, fuck. Link was gasping, lips parted. He didn’t try to pull his hand back, though. The whole thing was fucked up, Ghirahim decided. Well. In for a penny, in for a pound.

Ghirahim leaned and licked the whole palm, feeling the taste of blood invading his mouth. It was too little, of course. But it was tasty. It was wonderful. Ghirahim sucked on one of the boy’s fingers, lips puckered around the long digits, and Link was panting and. And.

It was so funny. Ghirahim started giggling. Link was giggling. Funny funny. What was that shinny thing again? Woooooooooo…

*  
They were walking. Where to? Everything was so confusing. Link was lost. But the light here was so pretty!

“Why so many?” Ghirahim asked right behind him, and proceeded to pull Link back – and closer – by the pouches.

“What?” Link felt like this was the word more often out of his mouth now a days. The demon was crazy. He didn’t understand half the shit that Ghirahim said on good days. Today was a goooooooooooood day.

“Why so many?”

“What?”

“SO MANY! Are you deaf?”

“So many whaaaaaaaaaaaat?” Fuck, Ghirahim was tiresome. Link wanted to sit down and rest. He could feel the demon’s breath on the back of his neck. It wasn’t half bad.

“Oh.” Ghirahim made a sound, and maybe because it caused Link to shiver, he made it again. “Oh. So many pouches. Why?”

“Have you seen the amount of shit I gotta carry? Do you want me to pull three bottles, two hooks, five fucking thousand bugs and a flying golden thingy out of my ass?”

“Gotta tell you, that would be impressive.” Ghirahim suddenly lit up. “Hey hey hey! Can I see it?”

“Me pulling random stuff out of my ass?”

“No. I mean. Ye- I mean. Is it an option.” The sentence didn’t have a question mark, but Link answered it.

“It’s not an option.”

“Why you gotta play with my heart?”

Link rolled his eyes, but giggled anyway. “What did you wanted to see?”

“Your stuff. Your things. Your thingamabobs.” Suddenly Link’s pouches were on Ghirahim’s hands.

It was a funny thing, lately. He had the feeling he shouldn’t trust Ghiharim so much, but sometimes his brain got fuzzy and he kind of forgot the reasons. Something to do with a demon filled with rage and evil intent? Uhm. Link was still so amazingly fucking _high_. He could worry about that later.

“What’s this?” he pulled Zelda’s sailcloth. “Do you blow your nose with it? It smells like the Goddess. Do you blow your nose with the Goddess underwear?”

He could argue, Link thought. “Yeah, that’s exactly right.”

“Why do you have Golden Skulls? I only give them to my bestesies Bokoblins, you thief!”

“Pretty.”

“You damn right it’s pretty, I carved the design myself. Uh, bombs, can we blow something, I _fucking love to blow_ \- no wait. Oh my goddess. Oh my goddess. Do you have a whip?”

Ghirahim looked like those kids about to throw up from excitement. This was a bad idea.

“Ghirahim.” Link felt weak in the knees.

“Skychild.” Ghirahim was holding the whip in his hands. The rest of Link stuff was scattered on the ground. They weren’t walking anymore. The demon had a seductive smile on his white lips. Shit shit shit shit. 

“Demon Lord Ghirahim. You are _not_ to use my whip on me.”

“Never, Skychild? You sure? Never, ever?” He was suddenly so close. So close. Why this keeps happening – Link was not on his right mind, fuck.

“No-not. Not unless I agree – I say so.” HE WAS SO WEAK, WHY.

“Hmmmm.” Ghirahim made a sound so low on his throat, and instead of backing off, he was getting even closer, leaning in, his eyes scanning Link’s body while both of his hands caged Link against the wall. “I’m sure I can find a way to make you… hmm… _Say. So._ ”

Link was terrified. Petrified. Horrified. Kinda of horny, actually, but that wasn’t the point. The world was spinning. He needed air.

Suddenly, there was a lot of air.

“BAD DEMON.” Fi was blowing air on Ghirahim with the Gust Bellows, bless her heart. Each word was punctuated by another gust of air. “Bad. Bad. BAD. DEMON. Master is about to pass out from confused gayness. OFF. BAD. DEMON.”

Goddess Hylia, that was close.

*  
Still walking.

Fi was making small blue fires with her hands, making the things dance around her, it was beautiful and dangerous and making Link dizzy.

Link was giggling.

First it was a smile. Then a giggle. Just a small one. Then he was laughing. Tears out of his eyes. He couldn’t breathe. Oh Goddess.

“Link, are you okay?” Link could hear Ghirahim voice. He had to lean against the cave wall. Hylia almighty.

“Gi-Gigi… Can- Can you imagine? If all his body hair is fire… can you imagine how painful… oh my goddess, I’m gonna wet myself.”

“Master, you’re not making any sense.”

“De-Demise.” Link was on his knees, that was so funny, he couldn’t get up. “Demise body hair – fire.”

“Yes, it was quite ridiculous, all that flaming hairdo.” Ghirahim agreed, sounding dignified.

“No, that’s not it.” Link was waving his hands. They had to _get it_. “I mean, yes, sure, ri-ridicu- yeah. But… but if all his body hair… Gigi, _all his body hair_ … Gigi, all of it… Oh goddess… can you imagine?”

“Link… do you mean… his _pubic hair_?” Ghirahim looked both shocked and delighted.

“Can you imagine? Having a constantly-on-fire crotch?” Link had to hold on to his side, his tummy hurting. “No won- no wonder he wants to destroy everything, oh fuck. OH FUCK. GIGI, CAN YOU IMAGINE FUCKING DEMISE?”

*

They weren’t moving anymore. Link felt a heavy headache starting to form behind his eyes. He also felt nauseous. This was shit.

Above him, a blue, blue sky with fluffy clouds. Below him, soft grass. He was lying down, he realized suddenly. He looked around slowly, because the world felt inclined to spinning if he moved to fast. Ghirahim was lying just by his right side. Fi was floating closer to Link’s feet. They all seemed a bit green around the edges.

“Skychild.” Ghirahim’s voice sounded hoarse, and he was making long pauses between the words. “How’s that sky of yours?”

Link had to think hard about Skyloft, his birthplace. His home. Well, he wasn’t exactly sure of the last, anymore. He wasn’t sure he would be able to turn his back on the surface and left for good, when the time came. He leaned closer to Ghirahim.

“Do you see that cloud, over there?” he pointed after a while to a specific fluffy, white cloud. Then he moved his finger a bit to the left. “Okay, now look at that other over... over there. See it? What do they have in common? Can you see something about those two clouds that are totally different from the other clouds? What makes them, you know, special?”

Ghirahim stared straight at the sky for long minutes. After a while Link was sure the demon had fallen asleep, but he finally sighed and answered, a touch sad.

“Ah... I give up, Skychild. Maybe I’m not pure enough, or human enough, but I can’t see it. It’s nothing for me, they’re just clouds.”

“That’s it, that’s the sky, thank you for your interest.”

Silence.

“I’m not sure you’re being a little shit or if you’re still too high right now.”

“I’m not sober, no, but I’m getting there.” Link could feel it, either because of the hangover, either because it was easier to talk and connect his own thoughts. “But I’m not being a little shit. The sky is pretty and fluffy and good, but that’s it. Clouds all around, everywhere. Skyloft is a nice place, but it’s so small and so… peaceful. There’s nothing to see there. You would hate it. You’d probably burn it to the ground just out of pure boredom. No, worse. Ennui.”

“You’re sure getting sober, baby, you couldn’t say your own name right two hours ago, look at you saying ‘ennui’.” Link laughed, and regretted right after. His head felt like it would crack open. “I wouldn’t, you know.”

“Wouldn’t what, Gigi?”

“Wouldn’t burn the place the Goddess built to shelter the chosen people. Not unless Demise ordered me to.”

“But he would, you know.” Link said, in his smallest voice. His eyelids were getting heavy. “He would order you to destroy it. And everything else. And you would do it.”

“I’m a sword, Link.”

“You’re also a spirit.”

Nothing else was said for a long time, and the last conscious thought Link had was to question under what sky they were resting their souls that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We end in a not so funny note.
> 
> Like I said before, next chapter will be a bit more plot-centered. They're finally out of the caves, and I feel they need to self-analyse a bit. Besides, their magic mushroom trip kind of puts things in perspective, things like trust and - well, of course - attraction.
> 
> Of course, I always aim (and often miss) to be funny.
> 
> THANK YOU ALL FOR STICKING WITH OUR BOYS!


	6. Wake up, Link

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some serious conversations take place and some hard truths are exposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS! Long time no see! I have been on a thousand different things in real life. In here, I just wanted to say I'll answer everyone soon. I just had to post this before I lost my courage, and I want to excuse myself for being a) not as fun as the first chapters; b) too serious; c) late.
> 
> I just hope this chap answers some of your questions! Hope you enjoy it!

“Open your eyes… Open your eyes… Wake up, Link…”

The Chosen Hero… rolled to his other side.

“Fuck it, ten more minutes!”

“You know what?”

*

Three mornings ago:

“Why isn’t he awake?” Ghirahim asked, standing over the sleeping form, not bothering to be quiet or subtle. The sun was up, the birds were singing, Demise was probably raising hell somewhere out there, and the goddamn chosen one was sleeping, peaceful as a baby.

“Because he’s the Hero of Snooze.” Fi answered in her monotone voice. “He always needs someone to wake him up. You would have easily been victorious if you had more convenient placed beds along the Surface.”

Ghirahim kicked him lightly in the legs. “C’mon, Fairy boy, up you go, we need moving!”

Link growled, tried to stab Ghirahim’s foot with an arrow, but eventually gave in and decided to wake up and do his goddamn work.

*

Two mornings ago:

“C’mon, hero, you’re not so cute drooling.”

“Hmm, but… It’s so comfortable here.”

“You’re literally sleeping on a rock.”

“…this rock is my friend.”

“I’ll give you five more minutes.”

“…Twenty.”

“Link! You can’t… son of a bitch is already asleep.”

*

Yesterday morning:

“You go.”

“I already _went_ , Lord Ghirahim. I am _not_ inclined to go again.”

“Well, I’ve called him already as well. Twice. First time he asked five more minutes, now he asked me ten. If I go and he asks me for fifteen I swear I’m going to stab him in the eye.”

“He likes to go for double or nothing. He’d probably ask for twenty more minutes.”

Ghirahim sighed. Desperate times and all that. “I saw a few Keese down that entrance. Maybe I can make one of them fly into his hair? Analyses?”

“I can predict there’s 95% of chance that he wakes up angry, scared and/or deeply disturbed. Let’s do that.”

*

That day:

Link feels the soft sun on his face, a gentle breeze. He slowly opens his eyes. There’s still glitter in his clothes, but all traces of hallucinations and hysterical high seem out of his system. He feels light and rested. For the first time in the last ten years, there’s no one screaming on his face to wake the fuck up-

Wait.

Why’s there no one screaming on his face to wake the fuck up?

“FI! GHIRAHIM!”

They must have finally destroyed each other mutually, Link realizes. Or maybe, maybe, Demise was faster and was already dooming reality as they know it. If Link’s waking up by himself, it clearly means all others are dead.

“What are you yelling about, Skychild?”

Link looks around to find that both swords are sitting on a tree just slightly outside of his immediate field of vision, looking neither hurt nor worried.

“I thought… wait. What time is it?”

“Master, by the positioning of the sun, I can roughly tell you it’s around 2:23 pm.”

Ghirahim looks quite impressed: “How’s that ‘roughly’?”, but Link is a little bit more distressed.

“WHAT?” he jumps from his sleeping place, pants falling down his legs, only to be lifted one handed, as he tries to put on a shirt. “Why the fucking hell didn’t you wake me up, you assholes.”

“We did.” Ghirahim answered him, and Link could now clearly see the demon was pissed. “Several times, to tell you the true. But you were too passed out and didn’t answer us like a goddamn sentient being, so we kinda figured you could wake yourself up this time, like the adult you claim to be, for a change.”

“If I may add, Master,” Fi completed, and Link was sure she wasn’t going to come in his defense even before she opened her mouth. “I would also like to point out that we are _swords_ , not clocks.”

“I… I was hung over, alright! Yesterday was a shitty day.”

Wrong thing to say, apparently. Ghirahim rose from his seat, looking even more pissed, his voice low and dangerous.

“Yesterday was a shitty day because you’re a brainless, immature child that doesn’t care for your own safety or for those around you, and because you firmly believe that you can solve everything by swaying your sword around.”

“HEY!” Link was finally completely on his feet, and he wasn’t feeling friendly. “Who the hell do you think-”

“While I may not agree with some of his insults,” Fi was literally physically between the two of them, and Link had no idea where all that loyalty was coming from. “what Ghirahim may be trying to tell you, Master, is that you need to be more careful in the future. That is, if you truly wish to see your tremendous task to the bottom end.”

Link stopped in his tracks, panting. He was frustrated and out of breath, still feeling disoriented from sleep and the guilt in his chest wasn’t improving his humor. He felt like yelling at both of his swords, but he wasn’t quite sure if he was right. As it was, he could only stare Ghirahim down over Fi’s shoulder, trying to convey to the demon he would very much enjoy swinging his sword right now. Ghirahim didn’t back down, eyes narrowed and an ugly expression in his mouth.

Fuck this.

“…I need to wash myself.” Link finally muttered, to no one in particular. He could hear water running, so he left all his belongings – the sword as well, since he didn’t exactly want Fi around – and went to search for the source.

Looking around, he appreciated the green scenery: they seemed to be, if Link could trust his own judgement, just outside Lanayuru Mine, closer to where he met the Thunder Dragon. Of course, this was before the sand had taken over, so the place was beautiful and full of life, so different from the dark caves that surrounded his past few days. There was a small river close by, enough for Link to do his daily washing up and try to sort his feelings out.

He wasn’t brainless, and he doubted Ghirahim truly believed him to be. He could be smart and resourceful; otherwise he would have never been able to get the Triforce. It was clear that Ghirahim was only trying to hurt him when he said that.

He didn’t believe himself to be immature either… except. Well, for one, he actually carried one of the heaviest faiths anyone could carry, and he did it with honor and courage. But, on the other hand, he kept relying on people – usually Zelda, lately Fi – to accomplish the simplest things adults seemed to do without any help: getting up in the mornings, eating three meals, remembering important obligations, dealing with people… On Skyloft, Zelda would have to constantly remind him to take care of his bird, to clean his room, to attend his classes – even to brush his hair. Now in the field, he was sure he would have died on many occasions if Fi hadn’t warned him he needed medical attention. Most of the times, he was prone to forgetting important words or prophecies read before, and Fi’s memory was (literally) goddess send. He wasn’t mature like Pipit or Zelda. Even Groose normally seemed to have his life more put together than he did, most days.

Did that make him a child? He didn’t believe so. He faced horrors most men would cower upon. Yet… He could admit to himself that, when faced with practical, day-to-day business, he could be a tiny bit… childish. Sort of.

“UUUUUUUUUUUGH!” Link yelled, going under the water to try and avoid his own thoughts. Yeah, alright, he behaved like a child every now and then. At least he was man enough to admit it.

He may not worry much about his own safety (he wasn’t going to argue with that), but he never put the safety of others in danger unless he wasn’t able to prevent it, or wasn’t aware of the consequences. He couldn’t know what that mushroom would do, and he was sorry. Yes, well, he didn’t _tell_ Ghirahim that he was sorry, but he was; getting high like that could have resulted in disaster if they had been attacked. He knew he had fucked up.

He didn’t think he could solve _all_ the problems with his sword, but he also didn’t have much more to work with. He was used by the goddess to be her knight, her muscles, and all his life he had been taught the way of the sword. It was incredibly ironic that a sword spirit would be the one to criticize him, but well… being a swordsman came with its downsides. Ghirahim also knew that.

What pained him the most was to think that Ghirahim could be, after Link’s mistake, regretting his decision of following and helping the Goddess hero. With all his flaws, Link still did his best, and he hoped Ghirahim could remember that. But it would be much harder to accomplish his task if the ones that were supposed to be on his side started to doubt him.

Link finally came out of the water and put on his pants, choosing not to wear any shirt for as long as his body was wet. Ghirahim wasn’t wrong in all his assessments, but he wasn’t right either. Link could give a little if the demon was ready to give a little as well.

*

Back at their little camp – if even could be called that, their belongs scattered along on the grass, glitter everywhere, two sword spirits sulking under a tree –, Link made sure to wear a blank expression on his face. His pride wouldn’t allow him to just give in, but he had a few words to say before they continued on their journey.

“I truly am sorry for what happened yesterday.” He said, gathering their stuff, without looking up. “That being said, I couldn’t know the mushroom effects. Their spores don’t behave like that on the Surface areas I explored. If anything, it was a sin of ignorance.”

He was met with silence. Finally, all their stuff was gathered, and Link was ready to go. He looked up, facing Fi, but mostly Ghirahim, directly. It came to a point where the sword would give up on him, or would accept him for who he was. There was no middle ground in a battle.

Ghirahim approached him slowly, and Link thought, for about half a second, about pulling his sword. But then, something else became clear to the knight. He wouldn’t fight Ghirahim. He knew, right now, that he could walk away and never see the demon again, but he would never fight him like he once (trice) did, unless Ghirahim was ready to kill someone innocent. If Link could prevent it, they would not face each other again.

Ghirahim only redid all his belt straps that were, admittedly, loose or badly strapped. The demon lord carefully redid every single one of them.

“Being ‘impulsive’ and a ‘sleepy head’, keeping your ‘head on the clouds’ and being ‘impetuous’ might seem like perky and cute qualities to you, instead of the vices they truly are.” Ghirahim muttered, while he checked his bottles to see if they were rightly shut. “I don’t care, and I’m not trying to change who you believe yourself to be. But keep in mind that someday one of those qualities of yours might get you into an impossible situation, when neither Fi nor the Goddess will be there to baby you. I know you’re the Hero, but you’re far from being perfect. I will not silent my frustration to pretend I can’t see your flaws. And _I sure as hell won’t baby you_.”

“Fair enough, I shouldn’t have expected you to do either.” Link agreed, holding his hand out. “You can vent your frustrations freely, of course. Just remember that words are heavier than they look. I resent your belief that I would risk yours or Fi’s safety over nothing.”

“Yeah, well…” Ghirahim didn’t hold his hand; instead he pressed an apple against his palm. “You should eat.”

“I thought you just said you wouldn’t baby me!” Link yelled to the retreating form, taking a bite from the apple. Ghirahim only gave him the middle finger and threw him another apple, that rightly hit him in the chest.

*

Something else was bothering Link, he thought to himself as they walked through the green valleys, and he could see Fi and Ghirahim walking a few steps ahead of him, both talking in civil voices and looking much more relaxed around each other than ever.

“Fi, can I talk to you? Privately?” He received a silent nod, as was usual from the sword, and they walked a few steps into the green scenery before stopping. He knew Ghirahim could listen to them if he really wanted to, but he was starting to trust the man more and more, despite his own common sense. “What happened?”

“I assume you’re wondering about me and Lord Ghirahim’s relationship, Master.”

Link nodded. “You didn’t like each other two days ago, I wake up, something’s changed. You’re not obliged to tell me, but I am indeed wondering.”

“We talked. This morning, while you were sleeping, Lord Ghirahim and I decided it was about time to set our differences aside.”

“More like you decided to scheme against me.” Link snorted.

“No, you… it’s not like that.” it was the first time he ever saw Fi stutter or hesitate. For a second, her face betrayed more emotion than ever, and she seemed to struggle to put her thoughts in words. “He actually worries about you, and he is lost in ways you can’t begin to imagine. If I could offer you unrequested guidance, Master, it would be advisable to keep that in mind.”

Link couldn’t imagine Ghirahim being lost. He was a fool sometimes, and he often put his money on the wrong bets, but he always knew what he wanted, the direction he was taking. It was a difficult concept to grasp, so he wasn’t sure he would be able to keep Fi’s words in mind.

“Knowing he’s ‘lost’, as you say, is what made you side with him?”

“To tell you the true, Master, I actually do agree with some of the criticism he has against you, and I think it’s important for you to hear it, even though I find myself incapable of saying. Facing your weakness may be hard, but it’s the only way to achieve the greatness you’re meant to embody.”

“But you didn’t think so yesterday.”

“Oh, but I did, Master.” the ghost of a smile was on her lips, now. “I just couldn’t agree with Ghirahim’s opinions before because I was, I believe that’s the word you would use, jealous.”

“You? Jealous? Of Ghirahim? Wha… Why? I mean, are you even… even capable?”

“I find myself becoming more and more capable of emulating emotions the longer I spend in your company, Master, to the point I cannot decide when or what do I ‘feel’ anymore. But my reason to feel jealous of Ghirahim is quite simple: he is a very powerful sword, a strong blade that cannot easily be matched. I always knew he was deeply drawn to you, and I watched as you two grew closer fast, in mere days. I couldn’t help but wonder if you would eventually choose a demon sword as your companion.”

“Wow, Fi, I never knew you would feel that way.” Link sighed. “Did you finally see that I would never do that to you? Because I wouldn’t, you have to know that.”

“Not quite, Master, but I do appreciate your reassurance.” she floated closer, the disturbing way she had to pass Really Important Messages. “Today, by talking with Ghirahim, I realized he’s not drawn to you as a Master.

“…No?”

“Oh, no, Master. I’m afraid his attraction is built over other reasons entirely.”

And with that she was gone, tucked away in the sword she so barely habited the last few days. Link believed that coming back to the sword meant that she was done talking and that she was also done keeping a closer watch on Ghirahim. While the second reason was – possibly? – good, Fi being mysterious also meant Link was going to keep wondering what the hell did those two talked about the whole day.

*

Of course, he had _some idea_ of what could possibly attract Ghirahim towards him so much, but he wasn’t 100% ready to open that can of worms, or rather, that can of dicks. Link giggled. A can of Ghirahim’s dicks, all white and wriggling, each one with white stylized hair over their heads. That disturbing thought was close enough to a mushroom induced delirium Link looked around to see if there was any glitter in the air.

Anyway, observing the tall man walking a few steps ahead of him, Link knew he would have to come to a conclusion, sooner or later. He hasn’t been strong enough lately to say the definite “no” that would make Ghirahim stop his flirting, but he hasn’t been courageous enough to face the music that would surely play after saying “yes”. An unpleasant feeling in his stomach made him believe that he eventually would, indeed, say the dreaded “yes” Ghirahim so anxiously awaited, but knowing himself weak, and agreeing it was a smart decision were two different things entirely. He wouldn’t be able to deny himself much longer, but he was being stupid for it, there was no other way of seeing it.

Ghirahim suddenly turned and caught him staring. His raised (and almost invisible) eyebrows told Link he had been caught, and made him scramble for anything to say.

“Why didn’t you just puff us out?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I’m asking why didn’t you just puff us, you know, out of there?”

“Why didn’t I just what with whom out of where, you unarticulated monkey?”

“Puff us out, you know?” Link made a movement with his hands, indicating something that could be fireworks or anything, really, because he wasn’t good with hand movements. “Made us go puff and reappear elsewhere.”

“Ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh. You mean, why didn’t I relocate us with my magic?”

“Yeah, sure, you can call it that! You know, when we started running away from the spores, why didn’t you puf-”

“BECAUSE” Ghirahim started to answer before Link could say ‘puff us out’ once again. “It’s not that simple as you make it to be. Oh, you think carrying your ass from one plane of existence to the other and then back to this plane of existence is easy? A walk in the park? Let me tell you, Skychild, _it’s not_. It’s the best option if the goddamn King of Evilness and Bad Hair Choices is coming for your derrière, but it’s not such an amazing course of action to our day to day lives, no.”

“Well, it worked the one time you tried.”

“It… IT DIDN’T WORKED, YOU DISPOSABLE PIECE OF TOLKIEN TRASH ELF CULTURE. Look where we are! Look where we were four days ago! Do you think that was my plan all along? Get zapped to the middle of fucking nowhere under a gigantic rock in goddamn Kikwi-la-la-la-land? It was your heavy ass pulling me down that got me off my route.”

“I don’t have a heavy ass, stop being mean.” Link knew he was pouting, but he also knew it threw Ghirahim out of his game when he played coy, so.

“You have a _great_ ass, too bad it was about to become Demise’s snack.” Link made a terrible face at that, turning away in disgust. “What?”

“Nothing, is just… I’m having flashbacks… I have the feeling we discussed Demise’s pubes at some point yesterday.”

Ghirahim put a hand over Link’s shoulder, looking just as disturbed as the hero felt. “Let’s not relieve those moments, it’ll only bring us tears.”

“So I’m not to talk about the fact you decided to cut me up?”

“It’s a scratch, you big baby. You were quite enjoying it at the time, shut up.”

“Never said I wasn’t.”

He… never said he wasn’t enjoying. Link, the Hero, just indirectly confirmed he enjoyed being cut up by Ghirahim. He just said _that_. He hadn’t been planning on revealing that much about himself just yet, in fact, he had pretty much planned on not talking about what he was slowly beginning to accept was a very real crush on the demon lord; but now the words were out and he had just…

Ghirahim wasn’t walking anymore.

“Gigi, you’re staring.”

“I think I’m entitled to some staring, thank you so very fucking much.”

Link walked back and stood in front of Ghirahim, aware that if he looked doubtful for even a second the demon would jump him right away.

“Look, you’re entitled to stare at me and you’re entitled to freak out a bit, and you’re also allowed to be confused, Hylia knows – actually, fuck, I hope she doesn’t – I’m… confused as well. But we can’t exactly stop and decide this right now, so try to bottle up all that for at least a bit, alright?”

“Decide… this? What… exactly… do we have to decide?”

Link… wasn’t ready to affect the man quite this way. He was ready for teasing and innuendo and probably roaming tongues and hands, not uncertainty and blushes and small hints of hopes in broken voices. Fuck, what the hell where they doing? Link sighed heavily. A work to do, he has to remind himself he has a work to do.

“I have no idea ‘bout you. I’ll have to figure out myself if I’m up to actually suck demon’s dick or not. I’m sorry, I just can’t do this dance with you right now, okay? I need to... I need to get us closer to Demise, and finish this war, and do some goddamn thinking about my own life and choices, okay?”

Ghirahim kept staring at him like he was another being entirely. Finally, after five whole minutes, the demon swallowed and nodded, still looking chocked. When he went back to walking in silence, without addressing a single word to Link, the hero figured he also needed space to decide his own emotional dramas.

*

Finally, they approached the valleys just outside the first Gate of Time, searching for a place to rest for the night. Of course, the day being shorted by his late awakening, they didn’t cover much ground. When they finally found a place to rest, and Fi still didn’t show her face again, Ghirahim finally asked.

“Where’s Lady Fi?”

“In her sword, I’m afraid. I guess she wasn’t so keen to answer my questions, so she’s doing her own version of locking herself in her room.”

Ghirahim looked, surprising, disturbed by Link’s words.

“You’re not crossed?”

“No, no.” Link smiled. “She just likes to be a mysterious gal, that’s all. You don’t have to be concerned.”

“I’m _not_ concerned about the two of you!” Ghirahim flipped his hair, laying down by the small fire they built and facing away from the Skyloftian. “I’m sorry if I believe it would be in our best interest to have you close to your sword when you’re about to fight the best swordsman in the universe.”

“What’s a swordsman without his sword?” Link said, without thinking much about it. It made Ghirahim look back at him immediately, though. “Besides, you don’t have to worry, Ghirahim. I haven’t forgotten my purpose, unlike you.”

Silence. Ghirahim was sitting once again, suddenly. “I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understand you.” He said, in a muttered, unreadable voice. “What do you mean?”

“I mean what I said. You swore to bring back your Master, and then you regretted your decision as soon as you looked at him. You swore to help me to destroy him, and today you were all questions and doubts. I wonder if you’ll regret your latest decision as well, or if you’re going to stick by it.”

“Stick by you, you mean?” Ghirahim asked, chin raised.

“You’re twisting my words.”

“I am not, Link.” Ghirahim was on his feet, and suddenly so was Link. “You think it’s easy, yes? I ‘decided’ I wanted Demise back, then I ‘decided’ I wanted him gone! It doesn’t work like- FUCK. It doesn’t work like that!”

Ghirahim was shaking, Link suddenly realized. He felt like he had walked in a conversation completely different than the one he thought he was starting.

“I’m a _sword_. I’m a tool. I am a mean to achieve an end, that end being, destroy and break and kill by ways of cutting. That’s what I am, Skychild. I’ll say it again. I am a sword. Link, I am a sword. I am a goddamn, fucking, sword!”

His voice was inhuman. His face looked pained in the light of the fire. Or maybe it wasn’t the light.

“That means I only have objectives in my Master. What’s a swordsman without a sword? He’s a hand looking for his next hilt. What a sword without a hand? It’s a useless, pointless, object; like a stone or a tree, an object without life or pur-… I can’t.” Ghirahim suddenly decided. He walked around, as if searching for something on the ground; decided he didn’t have anything to look for, started to walk away.

Exactly what Link feared.

“Ghirahim, no.” Link held his arm, pulling him back. “Don’t walk away, stay, please, just stay…”

“I LOST MY PURPOSE!” Ghirahim turned back to him, and his eyes were completely transformed, purely white, his face transfigured. Link could see both his arms had turned into blades, and that his body was losing the skin quality and reflecting light in a metal-like texture. “What’s a sword without a Master? Oh, you stupid human child! You have it so easy. You know what’s good and what’s right and what is your meaning in this world. You have a _destiny_ to fulfill, and it may be heavy, and it may be painful, but it is yours and yours alone, and you’re not left blind in this world, walking the Surface without any compass to help you.”

“What do you want?” Link decided to yell back, without knowing if it was the right thing to yell, if it was the right words to say, but deciding anything was better than just letting Ghirahim yell himself deaf into the night. “No destiny, no purpose, no compass, Ghirahim, you are not just a sword, fuck.”

Ghirahim was shaking his head, but Link knew he was listening, his eyes coming back to his natural color, his face looking more human. Link held tight to both his shoulders, having to stretch his arms to hold the taller man.

“No destiny means freedom, that’s what it means. A purpose can make things black and white, but freedom means you get to choose you own path. You’re a spirit, you are your own being. What do you want?”

Ghirahim stared back at him for a long time, grey eyes filled with surprise and fear. Finally, he seemed to relax, to remember himself. He laughed briefly, and the sound was broken, but there anyway.

“I can’t tell you what I want, boy. You would run for the hills if you could decipher my perverted mind.”

Link smiled, slowly, seeing Ghirahim flexing both his hands, his skin soft under Link’s hands.

“Like I didn’t just face your wrath and insanity just to keep you around, demon. It takes more than you imagine to scare me away.”

Finally, Link lowered his arms, realizing he had been touching Ghirahim out of his own volition for too long.

There was a long moment of silence, in which Link pretended to have his attention elsewhere, on the fire and on his countless pouches. Finally, Ghirahim talked again, his voice controlled and in a low volume.

“Why _did you_ face my possible wrath, Link? And without raising your sword?”

“Because…” Link sighed and looked back at Ghirahim, still standing, still looking breathless and completely… “Because Fi told me something earlier and I couldn’t understand it. Because I am sorry, Ghirahim. I am sorry I didn’t realize sooner that you are feeling lost. I was so selfish about keeping you around I didn’t think what you might be going through to get here.”

Once again, uncharacteristically, Ghirahim kept his silence. Well, they were all behaving weirdly today, Ghirahim being silent, Link being an asshole and Fi being unhelpful… well, actually, Fi was very much behaving like herself, if Link was to be painfully honest. The rest of their behavior, Link would just have to blame it on the hangover and call it a night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GET A HYPE, MOTHAFUCKAS! So excited to breath of the wild, can you guys tell? hum? HUM???


	7. Better than bedtime stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a sleepless night, Link wonders about sex, and you might find yourself in a NC-17 story faster than you can spell anilingus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't wanna offer any spoilers, but if you don't wish to read anything sexual, you might want to skip this chapter. We all know this fic isn't plot-y, it's all for shits and giggles, so you can read the next chapter and fill the blanks, no questions asked.

Having slept all morning and half the afternoon, Link, of course, wasn’t sleepy: he lay there, knowing he should go to sleep, that he would be incredibly tired tomorrow, but also unable to shut his own thoughts.

Thoughts about Demise, about the mission, about the possibility of failure, about the heavy weight Zelda had put on his shoulders, trying to figure out if she was still his best friend and if he was actually feeling betrayed by her or not… thoughts about blood in his hands and being unworthy, thoughts about violence and death and filthiness, trying to keep away from his mind the images of Skyloft burning and falling under Demise’s wrath.

Well.

It was almost a relief when his mind took a sudden U-turn and started to worry about Ghirahim. At least worrying if he was up to fuck a demon was easier than having to calculate all the possible ways he could unleash disaster with his sheer incompetence at being the Hero.

Well, for one, he was 80% sure he was attracted to the demon. Well, not to the demon. Using the word demon continually was his way of keeping the other at bay, remember himself the reasons it was such a bad decision. Calling him a demon, Link could focus on the fact he was batshit crazy, creep, violent and honestly disturbing, what with his mood swings and outbursts. If Link was to be honest and think about the man – the tall, linear man, with skin almost translucent and white, silky hair; muscular thighs and a six pack; with his black humor and small little quirks, his charming flirty ways and that voice that somehow could be bitchy but turn so, so sexy… well. He was 98% sure he was attracted to the man.

Despite the suddenness and general weirdness of his developing crush, Link realized it wasn’t too probable he would have a sexual crisis any time soon. For one, it wasn’t a matter of wondering if he was attracted to men or not anymore – in the matter of days, despite the traces of animosity hanging between the two, Link had been overwhelmed by thoughts of sucking Ghirahim’s cock until de demon was dry – so that ship had sailed. Also, a great part of a sexual crisis, or so Link believed, was out of fear of the reaction you’d get from people around you, and that much Link could rest assured: no one would question him in bedding a man, not so much because Skyloft was such a modern, liberal environment, but because said man was actually a Lord Demon from Hell and the Sword of the Imprisoned. Having a cock was the least of Ghirahim’s problems, really.

Now, having a cock, though, surely changed the way things would be, hm, conducted. Well. Link was never a very flirty, very sexual young man: he exchanged a few stolen kisses here and there with the girls from the Academia, Zelda included – somehow, every boy and girl would end up kissing each other at some point in their younger years, only to settle down a few years down the road. He was quite sure Zelda must have also kissed even Groose at some point. Their kisses, though, never inspired sexual thoughts or real arousal, just a tingly excitement. That being said, of course most girls had also featured in his jerk off sessions through the years, even though his go to mind state would usually be just a blank space. He had considered fucking a woman, and eating her out, and playing with boobs and soft, curly hair. At some point he had stopped fantasizing with blond hair because he felt guilty and very much not ready to picture his best friend in a sexual position.

He had never considered fucking a man. Well… maybe he had payed special attention to Pipit’s hands and smile, and once the boy had tangled his hand in Link’s hair and pulled jokingly, and maybe that memory kept burning in the hero’s mind for a long time… but Link never actually stopped to consider what he would like to _do_ with the boy, if given the chance. Now, though, he would have to admit his dormant attraction to Pipit had paled and shrunken to the point of no existence.

Ghirahim, though, he was so verbal about his desires, Link felt the need to do something bad about them. Since the man almost pushed his crotch in his face, images of being on his knees with the sword’s cock in his mouth have been constantly in Link’s mind. He figured he would enjoy some level of retribution on that front.

Weird question time: would Link’s cock end up being painted white? He never actually figured out if Ghirahim wore lipstick or if that was the actual color of his lips. They were always white, but the demon was nothing if not committed to fashion.

“Hey, Gigi. Ghirahim!” Link stage whispered. The demon didn’t sleep, often just laid down to rest for a bit, and Fi was currently in her sword – not that she ever slept. Even so, Link didn’t raise his voice.

“Go to sleep, Hero. You’ll be a pain in the ass in the morning.” Came the also whispered voice, annoyed and bitchy.

“Okay, just answer me one question.”

“I feel I don’t have to.”

“… I won’t sleep with this doubt.”

“Seven point eight inches. Close your eyes.”

Seven point…? Oh. Oh. Yeah, well, Link supposed that was also a burning question of his, if not exactly the first in his mind.

“Actually, I wanted to know if your lips are naturally white.”

Link saw Ghirahim raise a bit, looking in his direction.

“Link, baby boy, why you ask?”

“…” there was no good justification for it, was it? “Just wondering.”

“I wear lipstick. You want to borrow it sometime?”

If Link was about to give in to his desires, it would probably be all over his mouth anyway.

“…Not sure if white’s my color. It would probably confuse the hell out of Demise, though.”

Ghirahim chuckled at that.

“Can you imagine? ‘I’m the Hero of Hylia, bearer of the lipstick’.”

“Yeah, I-”

“SSSSHHHH.” Came the rough, sudden order, starting Link. “Silence! Go to sleep!”

Link, chastised, turned his back to the demon. Fine, he would close his eyes and go to sleep.

…Everything else was still a bit hazy. Ass stuff, Link considered, trying hard not to giggle. There was plenty of ass stuff to do. Ass stuff he would have to slowly consider if he was actually up to. The lean figure of Ghirahim arching his back and moving against Link’s cock was a very, very arousing one, especially if he could pull on the sword’s hair and mark that beautiful pale skin with his teeth, biting on his neck and shoulders…

Great. He managed to get himself hard, and he couldn’t even jerk off, not with his ‘muse’ laying just a couple meters away.

The mental image of a cock nearly eight inches long – and of course Link had been lying that other day, his own cock wasn’t nine inches long, NO ONE had nine inches long cocks – pounding into him, though, was a very scary one. Link was sure he didn’t want that, no no, no Ghirahim in his ass, thank you very much. It would surely hurt like hell, break him in half, leave him open and hot and leaking and trembling while Ghirahim took him so deep and roughly his legs would give in and-

Fuck that noise, man. He actually wanted to be pounded. In the ass. By Ghirahim, of all people. Hard as a rock, Link wanted to pull his own hair out.

“Gigi! Hey, Gigi!” he stage whispered again.

“What now, for fucks sake?”

Well, yeah, it _was_ , actually, for fucks sake.

“… Do you know any herbs that soothe sore muscles?”

He wouldn’t be able to sit on his bird for a week, he was sure of it.

“Are you hurting?”

_Only my throbbing erection, thank you for your concern._

“…Not yet, no.”

“Are you _planning_ on getting hurt?”

“I might be…” think, Link, think. “I am to face Demise, after all.”

“Don’t you think red potions might do the trick?”

“Don’t you know anything of a more, hm, topical use?” he would have a sore ass, not a sword wound.

Silence.

“Link, I’m not sure I’m following.”

“Never mind. I’ll go to sleep.”

He turned again, this time on his stomach. Close your eyes, you fucktard. Close your eyes.

…It was probably he wanted to get fucked more than he wanted to fuck the other. It was probably that getting fucked was the thing he wanted most right now, with a burning intensity that made him glad he wasn’t wearing the Triforce, otherwise it would start raining dicks in Skyloft.

Hylia be dammed, but Link had the weirdest thoughts some days.

He knew how the mechanics would work, of course, because he was eighteen years old with friends and a lot of imagination. He might have to try and see if his ass actually could open, maybe push his finger with some lube. What the hell would he use as lube? What could he get that would be slimy and wet and wouldn’t hurt his insides?

“Hey, Gigi, do yo- HUMF” before he could finish his question, the demon had materialized on top of him, pining his legs with his body and shutting Link’s mouth with a hand.

Link could feel the weight of Ghirahim on his back, the man’s breath on his neck raising goosebumps on his skin. He tried to turn, but couldn’t move the heavy sword – as thin as his figure was, he was made of steel, after all. Ghirahim pulled his head back by his hair (painful, mind you) and whispered right against his ear:

“If you can’t relax long enough to fall asleep, Hero, maybe I should help you out.” The demon licked from Link’s neck to his ear, making the young man moan behind the hand.

Catching himself, Link bucked his head back until the demon finally let him speak.

“Get off me, Ghirahim, now!”

“I will, if you ask me one more time.” Before Link could speak, the demon grabbed his hips and pulled towards his body. “I can smell your arousal from all the way over there, though. Are you sure you don’t mean to say ‘Get me off, Ghirahim, pretty please’? I may be inclined to help, if you ask nicely.”

Fuck. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. Who would know that Ghirahim could smell arousal in the air like a goddamn horny dog? Fuck.

“… I asked for a time to figure myself out.”

The pull on his hair was suddenly gone, even though Ghirahim didn’t move from his place over him.

“You told me you had to decide if you were, and I quote, ‘up for sucking demon cock’–”

“I used the word ‘dick’…”

“–I’m sorry if I thought you were done considering your options when you’re actually asking me how to sooth your future _gaping hole_.”

The last words were whispered in such a mix of viciousness and arousal that made Link arch his back involuntarily. He was so weak, so damn weak.

“There’s nothing to figure, Link.” Ghirahim was nosing his hair, hands travelling up and down Link’s naked sides, and it was just his luck that he was sleeping shirtless. He took a vicious bite of the hero’s neck, and Link actually fucking screamed, he was such a fucking asshole. “You want to get off, don’t you? I would actually enjoy having you awake tomorrow morning, so I have to make sure you sleep. We both want this. It’s not fucking difficult.”

It was fucking difficult because having Ghirahim over him meant Link couldn’t tell why he was denying himself all this time. All the reasons were forgotten.

“This shouldn’t go like this. You should-Uhhh…” Ghirahim chose that moment to rub his hard cock against Link’s thighs. “You should be patient and wait for me to ask for it.”

“Well, yes: demon.” Ghirahim answered, biting again: even though Link managed not to yell, it still felt overwhelming. “Patience is not my strongest suit. Besides, I’m sure I can make you ask for it in a second.” Ghirahim’s hand pulled lightly on Link’s thigh, and Link opened, just like that, allowing the demon to get between his legs. “You won’t be thinking about anything soon enough.”

Those weren’t very reassuring words, but then again, Link knew he desired Ghirahim, and what exactly was being offered here? Sex, an orgasm. Not marriage, not a relationship. It was being offered the hotness of Ghirahim’s breath against his skin, the firmness of his hands wrapped around his chest. The scalding, wet kisses against Link’s shoulders and back were, as intended, making it harder for him to think why he should say no. What’s the worst that could happen?

“Wait.” Link said in his weakest voice.

Immediately, Ghirahim stopped all movement, even though he didn’t move from his place over Link. Good. Link could this.

“What are you planning on doing?”

Link felt the rich laugh against the back of his neck, and shameless moved towards the man, mind already made. “Something to help you relax, of course. I assure you, it’s nothing you ever imagined in that filthy little head of yours.” Ghirahim tangled his fingers in Link’s hair once again, pulling it back in a gentler way, but still exposing Link’s Adam’s apple to his hungry mouth. After certainly leaving a mark there, he moved his mouth to Link’s jaw, speaking against his skin. “Now tell me I can do it. Tell me you want it.”

“Yes…” Ghirahim’s tongue fucking in and out of his ear, the demon biting his lobe…

“Yes, what?” …Another hot kiss against Link’s jaw, exploring the side of his face.

“Yes!, Yes, I want it.”

Link had enough and pulled Ghirahim by the soft hair, turning his own body slightly: they were finally kissing, and the demon tasted clean, metallic, but incredibly warm. The kiss was so very filthy, Ghirahim’s tongue licking inside and Link moaning shamelessly into the demon’s mouth, hips moving up towards Ghirahim’s crotch.

The demon’s hands against his chest felt like burning fire, exploring his body, short fingernails dragging against his skin, raising shivers along Link’s skin.

Link knew he was probably a figure: on all fours, moaning and rubbing himself against Ghirahim’s body, spreading his legs more. But he was also tired of pretending he wasn’t enjoying, and he never actually learned how to lie convincible. He wanted the demon, and would very much enjoy getting rid of the throbbing erection between his legs.

A snap of Ghirahim’s fingers and Link gave a very girly, very high pitched yelp: he was suddenly naked, pants gone to Hylia knows where. He could hear Ghirahim laughing behind him.

“Fuck you very much.” Link muttered, kicking in the general direction of Ghirahim’s shin and missing, of course.

“Oh, come on, Hero, don’t be like that.” A kiss between his shoulder blades, just a hint of teeth dragging against his skin. “I just thought a bit of, hm, magic…” that warm tongue licking the extension of his back. “….might be appreciated.” Another wetter, warmer kiss, this time on the base of his spine.

“Gigi, whatchu doing, man?” Link surprised even himself by keeping his own voice steady. His legs, though, were trembling as Ghirahim slowly spread his ass cheeks with his thumbs, exposing him to the world.

“Well, I _was_ going to fuck you with my tongue, but if you evolve your pet name calling from ‘man’ to ‘bro’ I will _definitely_ leave you hard and wanting on this goddess forsaken forest.”

Before Link could consider answering, before he could fully realize what Ghirahim was saying, he felt a long, wet lick on the crevice between his ass cheeks, going from right behind his balls to his small back, passing over his hole.

He almost screamed again.

“Are you okay over there, Skychild?” once again Ghirahim was licking before any word was out of Link’s mouth, and seriously, what could he say when the demon was treating his ass like a tasty ice cream?

“Oh Goddess, Ghirahim!” his hands were clenched in the ground, toes curled.

“Shhh…” a bite against his ass cheek, another slow lick over his crack. “Just relax, Link. You’re going to love what’s coming next.”

What was coming next was Ghirahim’s tongue pushing against his hole, just the tip, hot and wet and so very flexible. Link moaned loud, probably awaking the whole forest: his arms gave away and he was now lying in his folded forearms, ass in the air, biting hard on his own lips.

The tip finally breached inside, slowly making its way into Link’s anus. It was there for a just a moment, though, then it was out again, licking around the entrance, teasing the perineum. Ghirahim kissed and then sucked his hole, pressing his lips hard against the puckered entrance, pressing once again inside just to pull out once more, both hands holding Link open.

It was fucked up. Link could only think about what Ghirahim was tasting, of being exposed, of such a dirty – “ _Oh goddess I’m clean yes I know I’m clean oh goddess let me be clean I’m sure I’m clean why am I so nervous I cleaned myself I KNOW I’M CLEAN_ ” – part of him being so utterly examined, and he was freaking out bad, it was the exact opposite of relaxing, but…

But he could also feel himself opening and closing around Ghirahim’s lips and tongue, making little aborted movements with his hips to get Ghirahim to lick him deeper, and his cock was still incredibly, painfully hard, even though he was about to have a heart attack any second now.

How the hell was he finding all this exciting? Why was he hard? What was happening?

Ghirahim started making faster movements, pushing his tongue in and out, deeper every time. Link was actually being fucked, and it was surreal: Ghirahim’s tongue, as huge as ever, kept going until Link was sure it was as deep as a dick would be, but much, much hotter and much more flexible, moving inside of him and pressing against his walls.

And then, Ghirahim’s hand was on his cock, just the right amount of pressure pumping Link slowly towards orgasm.

He was sure he was about to pass out.

The climax came in a, well, anti-climax fashion: Ghirahim stopped fucking him deep to just lick around his hole again, and then bite hard on his cheek, pulling the skin between his teeth. Link still wasn’t sure if he actually enjoyed being so exposed, but then he was coming, long and slow as if something inside of him had melted away under Ghirahim’s tongue.

He collapsed against the ground, incapable of keeping himself up for even a single second more. With his hand, though, he reached for Ghirahim, that kindly took the hint and came closer, lying by his side. For a few moments, the Hero remained breathless on the ground, trying to understand why he could still feel small waves of pleasure all over his body as his orgasm slowly faded.

Link finally turned: he hadn’t been able to face Ghirahim during the act, but now he could see the man, and yes – the white lipstick was smeared on his lips, his hair was a mess, and his smirk was sinful. Link wanted to kiss him.

Well, no time like the present, the Hero thought as he brushed his lips against Ghirahim’s. The kiss was slow, languid, wet and warm. Link felt tired to the bones, but still he tried to reach for Ghirahim’s cock.

“No need for it right now, Hero. I want you to sleep, after all.” The demon laid completely over Link, smiling broadly like the cat that ate the Hero.

“I want to see you come.” Link whispered into Ghirahim’s ear, boneless and shameless in his afterglow.

“Oh, and you _very_ much will.” Ghirahim purred. “You’ll see it and feel it.” Ghirahim wrapped his arms around Link, almost sweetly. “Soon, Skychild.”

Warm hands were holding him close to Ghirahim’s chest, doing soothing movements that were making Link sleepy.

“You’re not wearing your gloves.” The Hero noticed, eyes already closed.

“Ha! Is that a fetish of yours, Link? I didn’t know I should be fully clothed to fuck the Hero. Next time I’ll bring my cape.”

“No, I just… hm…” Link felt so lazy, stretching under Ghirahim’s body, trying to reach as much body as he could, tangling his fingers with Ghirahim’s. “I like the way ya feel…”

Link could hear Ghirahim chuckle, and it was the last thing he heard before he felt into a restful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya know, rim jobs are not my thing, not in porn, at least - don't mind them in real life, so. But I just CAN'T IMAGINE a Ghirahim porn without rimming. I CAN'T. It's like, the first place my mind goes. THE FIRST. THE TONGUE. IN LINK'S ASS. IT'S A NEED.  
> That only happens with this particular character, I swear.


	8. Not talking about it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghirahim consider his own choices. Afterwards, they are all very good at not talking about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have no idea what kind of things I sacrificed to finish this chapter. No idea. NO FUCKING IDEA. I'm sacrificing things right now. You have no idea. The things I do for art - and porn.

Are you fucking things up because you’re infatuated with this lesser being?

That was the million rupees question, wasn’t it? The light of day was slowly filtering through the leaves, and Link slept like a baby – he would have to wake him up in an hour. Nothing new in that, except for the fact the Hero was resting his head against the demon’s shoulder, naked as the day he was born, long eyelashes resting against pink cheeks that looked like they tasted wonderful. Fuck. Ghirahim now knew how he tasted.

Are you fucking things up because of _him_?

Ghirahim knew that, even on that first fight with Link in Skyview Temple, he had been fascinated by the young man. He also knew that the longer they kept meeting he grew to believe that their fates were entwined. Maybe he was being presumptuous. Maybe Link’s destiny was to fight Demise, being the Hero, and Ghirahim was in the middle just like other objects, like the keys that open temple’s door and the green clothes that cover Link’s body. He was another element that could easily be discarded. His narrative wasn’t part of the greater story.

(Link’s clothes remained on the ground, discarded. His skin was warm and soft. Naked, the boy snuggled closer to Ghirahim.)

He had wanted him, of course: who wouldn’t want to ruin and destroy such a beautiful, pure creature? To hurt those pretty pink lips and pull on those blonde threads of hair, to hear the boy yell and come undone under his hands? He wanted, yet, still. The difference was he could have it now.

Have you betrayed your Master for blue eyes and a firm ass?

There were two choices to be made: choosing Link and choosing Link. Choosing Link as the one he would be faithful to, the one he would fight beside, the one who Ghirahim would see victor; and choosing Link as the lover he would fuck into the ground. There wasn’t a problem in any of those choices; the problem was if he had made the first choice because of the second. Had he left Demise’s side because he couldn’t see Link dying? Had he given up everything he had struggled to build because the Hero was pretty?

Have you chosen a side of the war because you were falling in love? With _this_?

He also knew the boy had been opening up for him, slowly getting more and more interested. He could see it, but for days he couldn’t believe it. He never fought he would get what he wanted. That Link would _offer_. Well, he hadn’t, not really. But hearing those same lips moan Ghirahim’s name was… something else.

He knew Link could fuck him up, if he so much wanted.

It was easy, after all. Affection and beauty. Who wouldn’t destroy mountains and obliterate kingdoms over the tender touches of such a sweet, fragile being?

Again, Ghirahim: are you fucking things up because you’re infatuated with this lesser being?

Link moved in his sleep, legs tangling with Ghirahim’s. No. No, Ghirahim repeated to himself. No. He might be fascinated with Link, and enjoy having him around to play, but no. He was very much in love with _himself_ , with his freedom, with his pleasure, with his liberty. With being a spirit beyond being a sword. And he was also in love with the Surface, the bright, obnoxious life force that walks the Surface, of walking among those living creature. Even with the smelly, filthy Bokoblins and their little animal prints underwear, their blind fidelity, their royal fuck-ups. Ghirahim was choosing Link not because he was pretty and blond and delicious, he was choosing Link because it was the only way life – good or bad or ugly or beautiful – could win in the end. And he would stick with his choice.

Link, surprisingly, opened his eyes on his own volition.

*

“Master, did you have sexual intercourse with Lord Ghirahim?” said the monotone voice, as if asking the time.

“And we are off to a great start of the day!” Link said in a fake cheerful voice, coming back from the river. He was still dripping wet and shirtless, Ghirahim noted with glee. “Good morning to you too, Fi, you perverted voyeur. Did you watch us last night from the sword?”

Fi managed to look offended without a single facial expression. She didn’t dignify Link with an answer, though, and it very much disturbed Ghirahim with the real possibility that the sword had, in fact, been watching the whole time.

“I’m simply asking so I know if I can come out to my humanoid form or if I should remain as a sword and let you work on your unresolved sexual tension for another age.”

Link laughed at that, a rich laugh. “You can come out, there’s nothing unresolved left.”

“You’re in a good mood today.” Ghirahim noted with a smile from where he was sitting, unable to help himself, as Link put on a shirt. “You should get off more often.”

Link went red immediately, blushing in the cutest way. When he answered, though, he didn’t look away from Ghirahim’s eyes.

“Well, you can take care of that from now on, right? Make sure I’m kept happy and satisfied.”

“Oh, the things a sword has to do in a war!” Ghirahim put his hand over his eyes in a dramatic fashion. “If someone has to be burden with the Hero’s insatiable needs, let it be me the one who carries such a heavy task.”

“Stop being such a drama queen, you freak.” Link batted away his hands, and – well. He kissed him. Link kissed Ghirahim’s lips, and not a peck, either, a full on kiss with tongue and a bite and sucking on his lips. “There. Good morning.” Ghirahim was left blinking up at Link, feeling his insides melting under the boy’s shy smile.

“Now let’s go.” Link clasped his hands with decision, sounding and looking very much like the Hero from the Legend. “We’re going to walk the whole day, we’ll be focused and behaved and we won’t talk about sex, neither one of us, do you all hear me?”

Of course, this was definitely such a well-planned course of action.

*

“Is Lord Ghirahim equipped for sex?”

Ghirahim wasn’t listening to this. He wasn’t, because he very much respect people’s privacy and when he wasn’t walking with Link and Fi he let the two of them talk alone, and never once he had listened, not much, and he wasn’t going to start now that he and Link were having sex.

Except Link then choked on air and coughed for ten minutes straight and the convo was bound to be too precious to pass it up.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Master, is this such a complex question to answer? I would like to know if the Demon Lord known as Ghirahim has the necessary anatomy to partake in sexual activities.”

The sword was a fucking troll, Ghirahim was sure of it now.

“And why would you like to know that?” Link managed.

“So I can fill in the information among the other data we gathered about Lord Ghirahim so far.”

“So you want to know if Gigi has a cock, for science?”

This time Ghirahim was the one almost choking, if only because the horrified tone in Link’s voice made it all even funnier.

Fi didn’t answer.

“We said we weren’t going to talk about sex.” Link remembered her.

“I’m sorry, Master. I thought the order was in place to prevent Ghirahim from making innuendos and sexual advances that might delay us in our journey.”

“Well, yes…”

“So it is not a problem for us to debate sexual themes, is it?”

“Well, no…”

“Good to know, Master. Now, would you please answer my question?”

2 x 0 to Fi. Ghirahim would have to give her a medal or something.

“Why wouldn’t he be equipped to sex?” Link deflected again.

“Because he is a sword, an object not very much suited to intercourse.”

“Oh- Ooooooooh…” Ghirahim could almost hear Link’s wheels turning. “I take it you don’t have – you know what? I really don’t want to know.”

“I wasn’t created to engage in sex, no.” Fi answered anyway, and Ghirahim could hear Link groaning. “That’s why it surprises me that Lord Ghirahim can do it.”

“Well, he is a demon, right? He was a demon before he was a sword, you said it yourself, he was a doomed soul in the pity.” Link reasoned.

“So Lord Ghirahim has sexual organs?” Fi pushed, and now they all knew she was definitely doing it to embarrass Link.

“Yes, okay!, yes, you horrible, horrible harpy of a friend. He has a cock. There, I said it, you happy? I haven’t managed to get very acquainted with it yesterday, but I could feel it against me, it’s no small thing either. I’ll bring you a full report on size, girth, texture and taste as soon as I can, so you can ‘store’ among your ‘data’, you perverted thing.”

“We could run a couple of tests now.” Ghirahim appeared right in front of Link, rubbing the upper mentioned cock against the Hero’s hand. “Tell me, does it feel like it’s growing, to you?”

Link yelped like a little girl, then managed to control himself. _Then_ he managed to grab Ghirahim’s balls and squeeze it to the point of agony.

“How. Many. Times. Will. I. Say. It: No. Sex. Talk!”

*

They were walking.

Yes, well, shut up. Walking was their _thing_ , alright? Besides, Ghirahim was so glad they were walking, walking meant they were coming closer to their objective, and they were so very focused and his mind wasn’t wondering at all and-

Okay, so he might be wondering a bit about a certain hero. Just a small little bit of his brain.

“Li-”

“I advise against this course of action.” Fi said before Ghirahim could finish saying the Hero’s name. Killjoy.

“You have absolute no idea what I’m going to say.” The demon answered, thankful that Link was quite clearly distracted; he was chasing an Eldin Roller like the goddamn infant he pretended not to be all the time.

“I’m not going to repeat myself, Lord Ghirahim. I don’t think it would be advisable to approach the subject right now.”

“Duly noted.” Ghirahim answered in a serious tone, proceeding then to give her a profound bow. Three seconds later. “Yo, Heeeeeeeerooooooooooo!”

“This is going to end in tears.” Fi muttered, but it didn’t matter because Link was already turning, big eyes and an open smile.

“Link, you once told me you’re eighteen, is that right?”

“Uhm. Yes.”

“And did you ever have a girlfriend?”

“…I’m not sure I like where this conversation is heading.”

“This conversation is not heading anywhere. I’m just making small talk.”

Fi was spinning away. Apparently she wouldn’t take part on this mess.

“So?”

“So what, Ghirahim?”

“So, did you ever had a girlfriend?”

Silence.

“Do you have to think very hard, you might have forgotten the answer, sweetheart?”

“I’m trying to prevent you from talking about the thing you are not to talk about.”

“I can’t talk to you about you having a girlfriend?”

“No, you can’t talk about the other thing.”

“Good, ‘cause I’m not talking about any other thing. I’m talking about you having a girlfriend.”

“…Okay.”

“So?”

“So what?”

“So, did you ever have a girl-”

“ _For the love of-_ YES, okay, yes, I had a girlfriend, for a while, we dated for a year, now it’s over.”

Silence.

“Hm… Interesting.”

“What’s interesting, Gigi?” Link sounded tired.

“No. Nothing. What was her name again?”

“… I don’t-. Hum. Marisol.”

“Your girlfriend’s name was Marisol.” Ghirahim deadpanned.

“Yeah, sure. We called her Mari.”

Link walked without turning back.

“Your friends are Zelda, Groose and Pipit, but your girlfriend’s name was Marisol?”

“Yeah, good ol’ Mari. Great girl.”

“Hm. I’m not sure I believe it.”

“You don’t believe I had a girlfriend because her name is Marisol?”

“I don’t believe you had a girlfriend because, before last night, you were a virgin.”

A number of things happen at the same time: Link stumbles and almost falls, five arrows are broken in the attempt to hide the almost fall, and Fi’s voice sound from between the leaves, like an out-of-the-earth, incorporeal divine conscience: _You are an asshole…_.

“I don’t… I was not… You are not supposed to talk about sex!”

“I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking about your girlfriend, Marisca.”

“Fuck you, Ghirahim, you’re not interested in my girlfriend.”

“Who says I’m not interested in your girlfriend? I’m totally interested in your girlfriend, good ol’ Marimar, you said it yourself she was such a great, lovable girl, Marilene. Lovely, lovely being, our Marizete. Tell me more about her.”

“First, fuck you. What do you want to know about her?”

“Her full name, to begin with.”

“Marimar Santos.”

“WRONG!” Ghirahim appeared right in front of Link, face close to the hero’s, and the boy jumped almost a meter in the air. “You’re a lying liar that lies! You told me her name was Marisol, and people on Skyloft do not have last names! You, sir, were a virgin!”

Link stared at him. Stared a little more. Then Link threw a nut at his face.

“We agreed that we wouldn’t talk about sex.” Link continued walking, determined to not stop. “You fucking agreed with it, Ghirahim, because we both know that if we keep discussing our relationship or if we keep having sex with each other we won’t get to Demise any time this year. We can’t have distractions.”

“Well, I’m not talking about sex, am I?”

“You’re not talking about Mariluna either.”

“No, I am indeed not talking about your fake girlfriend.” Ghirahim conceded, walking beside the Hero. “I’m talking about trust.”

“What?”

“Trust, Hero, it’s a wholesome enough concept that you should understand it. We had sex, and even though that didn’t necessarily means a connection or love, it sure as hell means trust. You should have told me it was your first time.”

Link was silent for a while, but Ghirahim didn’t push him this time.

“I didn’t talk about it, yes, but that was not because I didn’t trust you. It was because I didn’t think it was important. What difference does it make?”

“The difference is… is… look, I’m not sure what the difference is, but there’s a fucking difference, and you should have said something.”

“Look, it’s not like you gave me so much time to talk about it, is it? You literally jumped on my ass, I’m sorry if I didn’t offer my love story while you were licking your way into my body.”

Ghirahim stopped. Yes, well, of course the boy was right. Ghirahim had the nagging feeling all day that he had finally pushed too much. He didn’t doubt the boy was willing and wanting, but he wasn’t sure – hell, it wasn’t like he was guilty or anything, it was just that maybe…

Link looked around for a second and realized Ghirahim had stopped walking. The demon watched as some kind of understanding came across the Hero’s expression, and the boy came back to stand in front of him. He had a small smile on his lips and the kindest look on his eyes. Ghirahim didn’t deserve it.

“Shut it.” Link said before Ghirahim opened his mouth. His hands were suddenly on both of Ghirahim’s arms. “I’m not saying that so you can feel guilty. We both know that we both wanted what happened yesterday. Fuck, you said so yourself, I woke up feeling happy like I haven’t been since this whole hero’s journey thingy started. I’m just saying we didn’t exactly talk about things before, okay?”

“I’m not guilty.” Ghirahim said, to which Link only rolled his eyes and moved his hands up and down Ghirahim’s arms. He could feel himself pouting, it was beyond his control. “I’m not, I’m not, I’m a demon, I can’t feel guilt. I will admit that I rushed things up a bit, so now I want to fucking talk about it.”

“You want to fucking talk about fucking?” Link had the dirtiest smile on his face, and Ghirahim couldn’t help but bring him closer, his hands around the young man’s waist.

“You’re the worst, you know that?” he said against Link’s neck, nipping and kissing it, chuckling when he heard Link’s moan as he licked his jaw. “You would tell me if you weren’t… right?”

“I would stick my sword on your throat if I was uncomfortable, I swear.” Link laughed, and Ghirahim bit him hard for it. “Ouch, yeah, sorry, okay, I would tell you, I would tell you, alright? No need to worry, you freak.”

“Not worried.” Ghirahim muttered against Link’s skin. He brought his hands lower, over Link’s firm ass, squeezing it, and lower still, each hand around a thigh. He pulled the man up, and Link went so easily, legs wrapping around Ghirahim’s body, hands tangling on Ghirahim’s hair.

Ghirahim walked them until Link’s back was against a tree, feeling Link’s hard cock poking his stomach. Things went from zero to 100 in a blink. The Hero pulled his neck back by the hair and suddenly they were kissing, a dirty, sexual kiss that kept losing the pace as Link trusted against Ghirahim’s skin.

The friction felt so good Ghirahim considered coming exactly like that, rubbing his hard cock against Link’s, his mouth attached to the exposed skin of one of Link’s shoulders, leaving marks on that perfect body.

It was getting harder and harder (ha!) to get anything done because of the amount of pouches and stuff Link carried with him, and the goddamn clothes getting in the way. Ghirahim was about to snap his fingers and disappear with everything when he felt something – besides Link’s cock – insistently poking him in the ribs. He looked around.

It was a fucking Deku Baba.

Carefully positioning Link away so the fucking bitch flower couldn’t eat his goddamn _boyfriend_ as a snack, Ghirahim killed it with a single bitch slap of his sword like arms. The thing threw up some green stuff, though. Even though Ghirahim cleaned himself with magic the instant the thing was on his skin, the smell was still present. Fucking hell.

“I know she’s your friend, and I know you love her, and I can admit now that I was on the wrong side of the war.” Ghirahim said, trying very hard not to scream in frustration to the skies. “But you see it now why some of us might find the Goddess creations annoying? Deku Babas? Really?”

He finally turned to see the Hero looking more than a little lost, lips red from kissing and hair messy, cheeks on a lovely shade of pink.

“Don’t ask me, I have no idea what she was thinking.” The Hero took a deep breath, grabbed his silly hat from the ground – when did that fell out? – and tried to save some of his decorum. “We should… hm… get back to… hm…”

“I hope you’re trying to say walking, because I’m not about to fuck you smelling like dead Deku Baba.”

“UGH, no, no, yes, walking, totally walking, let’s walk walk walk.” And walk he did, away from Ghirahim and still muttering to himself something about plants from hell.

*

They were walking.

And this time, Ghirahim was about to be a good mate about the whole thing. He wouldn’t disturb the Hero anymore. They had a job to finish and the lives of countless –

“Hey, Gigi.”

Countless beings depended on Link being focused and strong and courageous. Ghirahim played around but he understood purpose and he understood fate, and he knew being the Hero was Link’s destiny, so he woul–

“Ghirahim.”

He wouldn’t try and divert the boy from the righteous path. They could talk later, and even fuck, on the grey hours before they went to bed. That would be okay, because everyone knows that evil spirits work from 8h am to 6h pm, so after the sun was down they didn’t need to worry about Demise. Yes, of course, later, so much time later, they would–

“Ghirahim, you fucker!” and the asshole had the audacity to hit him in the head with a nut, the second one today.

“What, you goddamn infant? Can’t you see I’m trying to walk, here?”

“I had no idea you needed so much concentration to just walk.”

“Well, it shows why we’re still on this weird ass Lanayru Desert.”

“We’ll be on Eldin tomorrow morning, chill out a bit.”

“ _Not if we keep making out against every tree, we won’t._ ”

“What was that, Gigi?”

“Nothing, just talking with myself. You wanted to ask me something?”

“Uhm? No, nothing specific. Just wanted to make small talk.”

Ghirahim was quite aware this was anything but small talk.

“Oh, really? So, what are your plans after you finish the Academy?”

“… let’s not talk about that.”

“So you do have something on your mind that you would like to talk about?”

“Just small talk, of course.”

“Of course.” Ghirahim rolled his eyes, careful that Link couldn’t see it. He would let the boy bury himself up, fuck it.

“You said something earlier.”

“I said many wonderful things earlier.”

“You said something _specific_ earlier. About, hm. Something. With me.”

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Ghirahim said happily, a big smile on his face: he knew exactly what the boy was talking about.

“About you and me.”

“That was before or after you were rubbing yourself against my body like a two-dollar- Hm. Like a nice, virtuous Hero?”

Link looked like he could kill him. Well, it was that exactly look that made Ghirahim fall for him, wasn’t it?

“Anyway.” There was a dangerous something on Link’s voice now, but Ghirahim loved playing with fire. “After. After you killed the plant.”

“I remember saying things about your Goddess life choices.”

“After that.”

“I remember saying things about my own smell, which I gotta say, we need to find a river soon, I’m not to go to bed smelling like –”

“ _After that._ ”

“…Hm. I’m not sure I said anything else. You may be imagining things, Link, are you sure you’re alright?” he was sure the boy wasn’t fooled by the sweetness on his voice, not even for a second.

“You said you were going to fuck me!” Link finally blurted out, looking as red as a tomato, unable to keep walking, hiding his face on his hands.

“Oh, _that_.” Ghirahim stopped on his tracks as well, turning around. He made sure to walk as slowly as possible towards the Hero, long, calculated steps that made him look like a predator. “So that’s what’s worrying your pretty little head?”

He was the bearer of the Triforce of Courage, of course, so he put his hands down and stared at Ghirahim with all the courage of someone dying to have a cock pounding his ass. Ghirahim now confirmed what he already knew. The Hero wanted to be fucked.

“Well, well, well, Link.” The demon was now standing so very close, almost touching. He inclined himself so he could talk right against Link’s ear, his mouth catching the sensitive skin from time to time. “Remember… you… you, my dear… were the one that said we shouldn’t talk about sex. Bye!”

And with that, Ghirahim disappeared, so fucking happy he got to do the same stunt twice with the same idiot human boy.

He might like the kid, and he will definitely tap that, but Link was just too damn fun not to tease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sure hope you guys like that. HEY
> 
> HEY
> 
> If anyone likes the fic, would someone please do a better summary for it? I fucking hate the summary. I would love you forever. PLEASE?


	9. Sucking too hard on your lollipop!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being a hero is a big task, but with enough courage, he can face the truly hard... hm... missions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> So, I planned on ending the fic in this chapter. Only, I got without posting for so I long, I thought I should post this, even though is just a part of the original chapter.
> 
> Warnings: explicit sexual content, because why the fuck not.

“I’m going away now.” Fi said in a much louder voice than necessary to be heard by her two companions. “I am going away now, into my sword-form. I will go away and won’t come back until morning – I won’t be sentient. I won’t hear, I won’t talk. I _won’t_ see. This is me. Going away. Now.”

Her humanoid form disappeared into the sword, leaving a faint trace of metal in the air and a whole lot of awkwardness.

“Dear ol’ Fi surely knows how to be subtle, doesn’t she, the sweetheart?” Ghirahim asked in a sweet voice. He was still drying his hair, since he’d cleaned himself in the river. “Such a nice gal!”

Link stared at the unmoving sword. And stared some more.

“Gigi, sword spirits can lie?”

“Oh, surely, baby!” Such a bright smile on his – already lipstick-white – lips. “I lie to you all the time, dear.”

Link sighed. “Not taking my chances, then.” Link covered the Master Sword with leaves and sticks, and put it far away from the fire, hidden into the forest.

“What are you going to do if we’re attacked?”

“I’m going to trust the Demon Lord who happens to be a sword to have my back.”

Ghirahim considered answering he would “have his back” soon enough. No. Too easy.

“We could go swimming in the river. Nice, hot night today. Stars are out.”

“Are you growing romantic on me now, Lord Ghirahim?” Link was already on his feet, though, because let’s be honest, he’d spend the whole day wanting the d and he was about to get it, goddamn it, and no amount of sappiness was going to put him out of his mission.

“Water makes for a nice enough lube.” Was the demon’s only answer, one Link wasn’t sure he could top.

*

The night was warm and nice, and the river was quite lovely. And Ghirahim was hot. And… Well, Ghirahim was hot was mostly taking up all thoughts in Link’s head.

You see, rationally he knew it was probably they would be naked that night, and it became an even higher possibility once he’d agreed to go swimming in the river. Also, he knew they were specifically going to the river _to fuck_. Not to see the fucking stars. Now, even though Link had been a virgin before last night, he was smart enough to figure it would take some nakedness to fuck. So, rationally, he was ready. He thought he was ready. Believed himself to be.

He wasn’t ready.

Ghirahim’s body looked like something sculpted out of marble. He was supernaturally white under the moon’s light, and his skin reflected the light with a subtle, but present, metal shine. His strong legs and arms made him look dangerous. And well, his cock – even soft, as it were – looked like quite dangerous as well.

I mean, he could rip Link’s eye with that thing. He probably wasn’t going to, but he could.

“Skychild.” The demon flipped his hair, trying and failing to look annoyed. “What are you doing standing over there and staring. Get into the water. I don’t bite.”

Link laughed all the way closer to Ghirahim, wrapping the taller man in his arms. “Liar. You do bite.”

“Yes, well, demon.” Ghirahim’s hands were on him quite fast, tangling in his hair as he whispered in hear. “What did you expect?”

“That answer is gonna get old pretty soon.” Link could feel himself melting under the massage in his scalp, their bodies touching everywhere, Ghirahim’s mouth on his jawline.

“What do you wish me to tell you then, Skychild? Ask for anything, and I shall say it.”

Ghirahim sounded solemn, and Link instantly knew he was talking about something else. The knight backed away a bit, enough so he could fully look into Ghirahim’s eyes. Ghirahim seemed content. Something besides horniness stirred inside Link, and his heart beat faster.

“Maybe I don’t need you to say anything at all. Maybe your gestures speak loud enough.” He knew his voice was breaking, but at least he managed to keep eye contact.

Ghirahim’s smile was worth it.

The demon kissed him, deep and long and sensuous, not rushing anything. They were both better at this, better at touching each other, at kissing without urgency. Link could feel himself getting on his tiptoes to chase Ghirahim’s mouth, and that had the secondary advantage of getting his cock lined with Ghirahim’s. He moaned unto the demon’s mouth.

Things got a little more rushed from that point on. Soon, Ghirahim was holding him against this body by the hips, and Link had to stop kissing to just moan against the demon’s skin. His voice was betraying him too much, and he ended up biting unto the sword’s neck just to quiet himself a bit. Ghirahim backed away a few inches, looking down at him.

“Well, well, well, look who’s biting now!”

Link rolled his eyes at Ghirahim’s cockiness. Fine, he wanted to play dirty? Link lowered his hand and took hold of Ghirahim’s already engorged cock, fingers closing around the fat girth.

It felt nothing like jerking himself off, but it wasn’t like Link didn’t knew the movements. He did everything he liked with his own body, twisting his wrist and paying special attention to the head. Ghirahim almost closed his eyes, biting his lips and trembling under Link’s hands. It felt like power.

The demon gathered enough willpower to reciprocate soon enough, and Link almost came right then and there. Ghirahim’s hand was warm and the water was making everything better. It felt good, so good, so good Link could almost forget… almost…

He felt himself getting softer, and started to move against Ghirahim’s hand, a little desperate for the demon not to notice. Too late.

“Link, are you getting distracted? Is everything okay?” Ghirahim had stopped, and was searching his eyes. Link couldn’t look at him, so he turned on the demon’s arm, hoping the sight of his ass was enough to take Ghirahim’s mind of his reaction.

“I’m great. Just… keep going, c’mon.”

He wasn’t great, no, but he was going to be. He kept his body very close to Ghirahim’s and rubbed himself against his hard cock. It felt delicious, especially after Ghirahim started to breath so hot against his neck, one hand in each of Link’s thighs. The demon kissed him on the back of his neck, and Link raised his arm to pull and Ghirahim’s hair. It felt perfect, the demon’s hard cock rubbing against his crevice.

Link felt Ghirahim’s fingers move back and start massaging his ass cheeks. They were going to do this, Link was getting what he wanted, even though… even though… he should forget other things. He should. Finally, one of Ghirahim’s hands was raised and Link could feel the finger tracing his rim. He tensed all over, forgetting how to breath.

A huge, long, sigh escaped the demon’s lips. The next moment, Link was turned again, facing Ghirahim, and all movement had stopped. The sword didn’t pushed him away, but didn’t press against him either.

“As much as it pains me to be the one telling you this, Skychild, we don’t have any obligations to perform sexual acts tonight. I would just as much enjoy going to bed early.”

Yeah, well, it was too much to ask that Ghirahim didn’t notice. He knew it, from the beginning, that this was too good to be true.

“I kno- wait. Just as much?”

Ghirahim laughed, and it was worth it to see the demon with his neck threw back and his hair falling in cascades.

“Well, Link, maybe not _as much_. Nevertheless, we do not have to _push anything_ , if you get my double entendre. I thought we had this conversation already.”

“I know, it’s just… I thought about having sex with you all day-”

“And that’s not so much a compliment as it proves that you’re a horny teenager.”

“ _Be that as it may_ , I was actually looking forward to… hm. Do. The thing.”

“You already said sex, what’s with the sudden shame.”

“An specific sex thingy.”

“Getting fucked?”

“You’re such a gentleman?” Link couldn’t help the bewilderment in his voice.

“Why, because I’m calling it what it is?”

“So, I was anxious…”

“To get fucked.”

“To be with you.”

“Be with me to get fucked. In the arse.”

“The only arse I can see is you, thank you very fucking much.”

Ghirahim laughed again, and Link realized he probably was pouting. He forced himself to sober himself up, and face this conversation as an adult.

“Look, Ghirahim, I want this. I want this so very fucking much, you have to know that. I just don’t think I deserve it.”

The demon looked surprised, at least. “I’m sorry, I’m not sure I follow.”

“I shouldn’t be doing… this. All this. Being happy, getting… getting you, getting pleasure. Tomorrow I’ll probably face Demise. I should be worried and I should be focused and I should be suffering, Demise is still out there and I should-”

“Okay, Link, I’m going to have to stop you right there.” Ghirahim looked around. “You know what? Fuck, we need clothes for this conversation.”

Ghirahim snapped his fingers and suddenly they were both dressed and on dry land. Link didn’t have the time to feel disoriented before the demon was turning to him again.

“Chosen of the Goddess, I’ll say this once: being a hero doesn’t equal being a martyr. You _don’t_ have to suffer to be good. You don’t have to sacrifice to be courageous. You don’t have to give up your life or the things you want to destroy Demise. There’s no price you have to pay beyond the one you’re already paying. You’re doing everything you can to succeed, you have managed the impossible under the worse conditions, and you have come this far. What has been asked of you is an terrible burden, but you have yet to fail us all.”

“I just…” He stopped and considered not saying anything else. Link had to put his feelings into words, otherwise Ghirahim might not understand. He sat down on a tree root. “I just feel irresponsible and… and unworthy for… for feeling good when so much is at stake.”

Ghirahim sat down beside him, close but not touching. He sighed again, even though he didn’t look unhappy.

“I don’t think we should have sex, because I don’t think you’ll manage to shake away this feeling over one conversation. Honestly. Also, maybe we should take our time… hm… building intimacy.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Getting your sweet little hole used so I don’t destroy it with my dong.” Ghirahim said with a gentle smile and a little wink. Link laughed beyond himself, head between his hands. Ghirahim smiled at him again, a warm smile, and raised himself from the tree root. “So, let’s go back?”

He offeread Link a hand, that the Hero stared at for a long moment. Finally Link reached for him, but instead of getting on his feet, he just dragged Ghirahim closer.

“Why don’t you come here for a sec?” he said in a rough voice, hands going over Ghirahim’s thighs.

“Link, I just said-”

“I know what you said.” Link roamed his hands over the sides of his body, and brought him even closer, looking up at his face. “And I know what I said. Maybe I’m not ready to fuck. But I really, really want to do this. Please, let me?”

Link kissed Ghirahim’s thighs, licking over the fabric, looking up to the demon’s face. When Ghirahim tangled his fingers in Link’s hair, he knew the demon was game. Still, he kept his eyes upwards and kissed close enough to Ghirahim’s cock to tease him.

“Ask me again?”

Oh, so this is how it’s going to be?

“Please, Ghi- Please, Lord Ghirahim.” No reason not to feed into the power play. Link rubbed his nose at the very large bulge in front of him. “Please, let me suck you. Please.” He licked a long stripe, feeling himself getting equally hard.

Ghirahim opened his pants – he wasn’t going to get naked again, and somehow that made it even hotter for Link, even dirtier. Link got off the tree root and kneeled in the dirt, fingers closing around the hot girth. He licked just under the head, and heard Ghirahim moan.

He wondered how long he could torture the other.

He licked again, this time closer to the base. Again under the head. On the side, just a small, barely there lick. He was about to lick him again on the head when Ghirahim finally snapped and pulled him by the hair on his dick, almost chocking Link – it was a good thing the Hero knew exactly what he was doing with the demon.

“Stop being a fucking cock-tease.” Ghirahim pushed his cock deeper, pushing too fast, too soon, against the back of Links mouth. “Or I will push you down and fuck you so deep you’re going to drip my come for a month.”

Link started to suck in earnest then, if anything because the threat had sounded so tempting he had to shut his own mouth to avoid asking for it.

Ghirahim’s cock, like the rest of him, tasted faintly metallic, but was also warm and just a bit salty. Link couldn’t suck him deep unless Ghirahim pushed himself, and that would get his eyes watering and his breath hard. That being said, sucking the demon was just as good and hot as he always knew it would be: the heavy weight on his mouth and the hotness was making Link dizzy with want.

He was touching himself soon, his other hand holding onto Ghirahim’s leg.

Link tried to do all the things he heard from Groose a good slut babe should do: hollow his cheeks, lick under the head, swallow around the girth. He sometimes had to bob his head slower so he could suck harder, or bob faster and wetter, spit catching in Ghirahim’s cock.

There was precome gathering in his mouth, and Link didn’t mind it for a second. His jaw was hurting a bit, but he couldn’t get enough from Ghirahim’s taste, beside, he was almost managing to fit the whole cock in his mouth.

“Relax your jaw, Hero. I’m going to take your for a ride.”

He did exactly what Ghirahim told him, looking up just as the man tightened his fingers in his hair. Then Ghirahim was fucking his mouth, pushing the cock in and out fast, and Link felt utterly used. He moaned around the stretch.

It didn’t last long after that: soon, Ghirahim was pushing deep and making Link drink his come up. Link didn’t even think about pulling out (not like he had much choice, with Ghirahim’s hand on his hair) or spitting it: he just swallowed, enjoying the taste.

His hand was still moving up and down his own hard cock. Ghirahim pushed him down on the dirty and knelled over him, pushing his hand away and jerking him. Link moaned loudly, both hands going over Ghirahim’s hair and shoulders, squirming under the demon.

“Such a little slut for me, did you enjoy sucking my cock, Skychild?”

“Please, Ghira-” Link couldn’t take it, he felt like he had been hard for years, his orgasm was just there. Ghirahim sped up his hand.

“Come for me.” Came the whispered order against his ear, and Link was coming hard, Ghirahim licking into his mouth.

*

“Oh… oh no. Oh fuck.”

“What now?” Ghirahim asked. They were back at their little camp, and Link had been lying down on the demon’s chest, but he was now sitting up, looking around.

“Where the _hell_ did I hide Fi?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I really want to say how pleasant surprised I was that my other fic, "These are not lover letters", got SO MANY hits! Thank you! In a small fandom, this means a lot!
> 
> I mean, i'm not sure the people who are reading this nice crack fic are the same ones who read that twisted fucked dark thing, but if you are, thank you!


	10. There and back again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road so far...
> 
> I mean, no, please, those are another demons, let's not mix that.
> 
> I mean:
> 
> The road finally comes to an end. Is time for Link to face the most powerful enemy, and to say goodbye to his companions.
> 
> The conclusion of our tale of love, glory, licks and Rihanna song's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws the chapter at you guys*

They weren’t walking anymore. It was the end of the road.

Beyond the rocks they were currently leaning on, down in a valley of glowing red lava and dark magic, stood Demise, the Father of All Evil. The monster was deeply focused on the altar where he was holding a troubled soul, the demon who would surely be his next sword at the end of the ritual. So much pain and misery emerged from the screams of the demon being forged into a weapon.

Link turned towards his companions. It was time.

“Fi.” The blue sword spirit faced him, and her eyes didn’t betray a single emotion. “It’s time. You’ve brought me so far, and I trust you immensely. Once again I must ask you to put your faith in me. Will you face one more battle by me side?”

“I was made to face this battle, Master, and it’s both an honor and a joy that such a dignified hand will yield me in this decisive moment. It’s time for both of us to fulfill our destiny.”

Link only nodded, touched beyond words. He turned towards Ghirahim.

“Ghirahim… we met in terrible circumstances, and…”

“Yadda yadda yadda, we were enemies, I proved myself not to be a totally despicable villain by helping cleaning after my own mess, we fucked, yadda yadda: yeah, I know it, I read it from the first chapter as well.” He flipped his own bang, clicking his tongue, looking both bitchy and annoyed. “Now get to the point, what’s the plan?”

Link stared at the cute little psycho he was just considering asking to live with him ten minutes before. What the fuck.

“I’m… going to face Demise? And, hopefully, destroy him?... Or die trying, I… suppose?” Link looked back at Fi. She shrugged her shoulders, nose and mouth crunched in the biggest “Fuck-me-if-I-know” facial expression Link had ever seen in anyone, let alone the usually stoic spirit.

The demon went batshit.

“You are going to _face Demise_? As in, go down there and _confront him_?” Ghirahim was clearly struggling to keep himself from giving away their position, and for that Link was grateful, otherwise he was sure he would have to deal with a fit of FURIOUS-OUTRAGED-SICK-WITH-ANGER!bitch-fit.

“In lieu of what, asking him for a dance? What are my other options, you maniac? Why the hell did we just walk for days, like assholes?”

“You imbecile, you have the advantage of surprise on your fucking side, and you want to face him directly?” Ghirahim silently threw his hands in the air, clearly wanting to scream. “There’s a thousand different ways you can use this little set up to your leverage, and you’re telling me you’d rather stand in front on that absolute beast and say, ‘Hey, wassup, fight me.’? Are you out of your fucking slow mind?”

Link changed his weight from one foot to the other. Well. When put in that way…

“But it wouldn’t be very honorable, would it?” he scratched his nose. “I mean, would it be fair?”

“Fair? You wanna talk fair? Tell me about fairness when a Demon King of a thousand years, who controls magic and it’s fucking dinosaur sized faces a skinny ass teenage human with a dancing robot and pretty blue eyes.”

“Hey! I’m not skinny!”

“I will pretend this was a heartfelt defense of my honor, Master, and that you endlessly listed all the reasons why the Master Sword Spirit is much more than a ‘dancing robot’.” Fi monotone voice carried just the right _lack_ of inflection to let Link know she despised him completely.

“…Anyway.” Ghirahim continued, a half smile on his lips. “You can’t just charge against Demise. That’s not even close to a fair fight, and we all know it. Also, who cares about fairness when the sake of the whole universe lies on your chubby little hands, you moron? Now you listen to me, fairy-boy, I didn’t walk my feet raw to serve your sweet little ass to Demise on a silver platter before I get the chance to fuck it open, you hear me? Sit your derriere down and come up with a better plan than ‘face him’.”

Link scratched the back of his head. It was a fucked up situation, and the worse was that Ghirahim might be right – that was never a good sign. He turned to Fi.

“Fi, give me some analysis or something, I’m not sure Ghirahim is the best adviser here. No offense, babe, but you did raise Demise.”

Ghirahim gave him the middle finger.

“Master, I can predict there is a 50% chance that you’ll be able to extinguish the evil that is Demise.”

“That also means there’s a 50% chance he’ll win and kill us all.” Link concluded darkly.

“Yes, Master, that _is_ how Mathematics and numbers usually work, Master, sir.”

Link could hear Ghirahim laughing behind his back, the fucker.

“I feel like I faced worst odds against you in Skyview Temple.”

“And the only reason you didn’t die that day, Skychild, was because my cock had a strong sixth sense, he wouldn’t let me kill his next home. You willing to pull the same stunt with Demise? I heard he prefers brunets.”

Fuck. Link looked around, searching. He knew his next question, but he didn’t exactly want to hear Ghirahim’s answer. He had to know, though.

“Look, Ghirahim, we’ve been on this road together for a while now. Lately, we’ve been more than travel companions, for whatever weight our relationship holds.” He faced the demon directly, looking into his eyes. “You doubt me, now? Because I can understand if you do, but I’ll be facing Demise no matter what. I need to know where you stand in this battle.”

Ghirahim sighed deeply, long sleeved fingers threading in his own hair, eyes closed. Finally, he faced Link again.

“I don’t doubt you, Link. Because I’ve grown more interested in keeping _you_ alive than feeding the Legend of the Hero, I’m trying to raise the odds in your favor. That’s not to say I don’t believe you to be the Chosen of the Goddess, our saving knight. You’re a powerful warrior, I’m well aware of it. I would just rather not see you die at age 18 in a fucking pissing contest because you believe you should give equal opportunities to a being that is, for all ends and purposes, a fucking beast.” At that Ghirahim stopped, took a deep breath, calmed himself, started again. “But I will follow you no matter what, of course. I took this decision long ago, not because of our relationship, but because of what you stand for. If you wish to face him like an equal, then I’ll be by your side, but even if you were alone, Demise should fear you nonetheless.”

Link felt himself smiling brightly. That was all he needed to hear.

Well, good, then. Link kneeled by the rock and readied his bow.

“What are you doing?” Ghirahim asked in a high, girly voice.

“Ssssshhh! You want him to hear us? I think every keese in a hundred miles is disoriented right now, what’s wrong with your voice?”

“Link, what the hell are you doing?” Ghirahim kneeled beside him, staring at the bow as if he didn’t know what an arrow was.

“You’re right, of course. There’s no point in killing myself and risking everything if we can use a shortcut.” Link closed one eye, trying to see the best angle to hit Demise.

“Then what hell was all that for?”

“Well, asshole, you give me a speech about how I’m going to fuck things up royally, I kinda of needed to hear you say you trusted me at least a bit. You can give a guy a complex, man, I have feelings too.”

“You have-” Link could hear Ghirahim spluttering with indignation by his side, and it didn’t come as a surprise when the sword hit him hard in the back of the head. “You’re a fucking _bitch_ , you know that?”

“First time I’ve been called that, to tell you the true.” Link turned his head slightly, planting a peck on Ghirahim’s lips. Back to his bow: he finally had his shot. He reached for his belt, untangling something from his pouches.

“Master, my calculations show that Demise’s skin won’t be perforated by your arrows. Shooting him will prove inefficient.” Fi concluded.

“You’re such a ray of sunshine, Fi, fucking hell.” Link whispered. Louder, he said: “I’m not trying to kill him with an arrow. I just have to shoot _this_ far enough.”

Link showed both sword spirits the object he had been caring so carefully for the last few days.

“You still… you still have it?” Ghirahim almost touched it, but then he recoiled his hand in horror, as if burned.

“Well, I couldn’t very well throw it anywhere, and I wasn’t about to lose a bottle over nothing, you have no idea the sort of things I have to do to win a bottle around here.” Ghirahim opened his mouth, but Link was faster. “Not _those_ sorts of things, you pervert. So, what do you guys think?”

Both swords stared silently at Link’s hands. Fi blinked. Ghirahim blinked. Ghirahim cleared his throat.

“Uhm… Fi? Analysis?”

“…Just fuck me up.”

*

Link tied one end of a rope at the bottle’s neck and the other at the point end of the arrow. Now, the bottle’s weight would change the arrow’s aerodynamic, but luckily the contents weren’t very heavy, and Link was used to shoot arrow with bombs attached to it. He would just have to aim it higher.

He took a deep breath. For good measure, he told both Ghirahim and Fi to shut up and not move for thirty fucking seconds, goddammit. He pulled the bow, watching as the bottle wavered back and forth at the end of the rope.

He sent one last prayer to Hylia, hoping beyond hope that that the rope didn’t break. (Hoping that the rope…? Try saying it three times faster).

Link exhaled, and with his breath, he let go of the arrow.

The arrow flew a long time, losing height fast, heavy with its burden.

Finally, it landed. Three feet away from Demise.

The monster turned around, trying to understand what had just happened. The arrow landed on the soil with a loud breaking sound, destroying the bottle on the process. The glass, broken, released a colorful smoke that rose in the air, circling and engulfing Demise in a wall of bright, lively, dancing… glitter.

*

The moment the glittering spores hit Demise’s lungs, the air around them changed immediately. They were far enough that the glitter couldn’t catch them, but they could all feel the change in Demise’s magic: from one concentrated source surrounding the dammed soul, it suddenly became an erratic force pouring from the valley, changing in color and shapes and going in all directions. They could hear weird, loud sounds coming from down below, inhuman sounds that somehow managed to transmit both panic and confusion. Finally they could smell meat burning, and a dark smoke surrounded them.

“What the hell is happening? Is it dead? I can’t see it!” Ghirahim yelled. “Link, what do your elf eyes see?”

“Shit all!” was Link’s brutally honest answer. “I think he’s in pain! I think it’s a bad trip!”

“Good! What do we do?” Ghirahim asked.

Of fucking course, Link’s only answer was a shrug. Why would he plan ahead, after all?

Typical. Fucking typical. Fuck. Seems like Ghirahim will have to do all the heavy lifting around here.

“YO DEMISE! DEMI-BOY! YO, LORD DEMI-BRO!” Ghirahim stood on the rock, yelling towards the massive kind-of-human form below. He could feel Link’s hands trying to pull him back, but they were already fucked, he might as well give it a try. “DEMI-DUDE! DEMI-MOOREST! MY DEMI-MAN! IS. YOUR. CROTCH. ON. FI-RE?”

The air changed again. The smoke swirling around seemed to still for a second, to suddenly recoil towards Demise, clearing the air completely. There stood the Demon King, in all its glory and revealing way too much skin on that slutty skirt. He faced Ghirahim. A second ticked. Another. And another.

Finally, Demise lowered his eyes towards his own genitalia, looked at it for a single second, and proceeded to howl like a wounded dragon, or like a Demon King with his crotch on fire.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he yelled in the most dramatic fashion, kneeling on the ground, both hands trying to contain a fire that only he – thank Hylia – could see. His magic went ballistic again, flying everywhere, and even though Link pulled Ghirahim down, the sword was never in any risk of getting hit by a spell: Demise kept turning his own magic towards his body, continually yelling “PUT IT OFF, PUT IT OFF, IT HURTS, MY BAAAAAAAAAAAALLS!”

With one last dramatic “my balls” being yelled towards the sky, the high-as-fuck monster disappeared, destroyed by his own stoned bitch weak ass.

HA! Ghirahim always knew he couldn’t follow that thing, what kind of loser obliterates himself over one louse sniff of glittering spores? Even Link could hold his blazed-self better!

“I have confirmed the eradication of the Demon King.” Fi had the courage to tell them, sounding absolutely collected and composed. “You did it, Master Link. You have successfully hatched the most improbable, ridicule, fucked up plan ever, and with the help of the most disturbing whack job we managed to meet in our journey (and we did met that guy dressed as a clown that once), you effectively glitter-overdosed Demise, fulfilling your role as the Hero of Legend. As long no one else knows how _that_ really happened, of course.”

Fi gave the smallest of smile. It was enough for both of them to threw themselves at her, and squeezed in a three-way hug (one Ghirahim was quite convinced Fi wasn’t very fond of), Ghirahim and Link yelled at the top of their lungs, laughing like the maniacs they just proved to be:

“WE DID IT! WE DID IT!”

They’d done it.

*four months later*

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Ghirahim was an asshole. It didn’t matter that he knew how t- _oh goddess right there right there I can’t_ \- knew how to, uhm, how to be a decent enough boyfriend. I mean. It’s not like he’s attentive or romantic or sweet or any of that. But he - _fuck, I can’t, I can’t, I’ll die_ \- knew how to show affection in, uhm, other innovative ways.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t an asshole.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Link bites the fabric of his tunic to avoid making any sound. He knows already he’s making sounds. He’s making all kinds of dirty, obscene sounds. The wet sounds every time Ghirahim’s cock gets inside of him. The slap sounds of Ghirahim’s hips smacking against his buttocks. The muffled moans he couldn’t keep inside. He was making all kinds of sounds, yes.

And then there was the thumping of the wooden table against the flimsy partition wall. The wooden table Ghirahim was currently fucking him against, his whole upper body bended over the wood, his feet almost incapable of touching the ground. The flimsy partition wall that barely kept them apart from Fledge’s room.

Oh, Hylia. What if Fledge was still in his room?

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Link always knew it was a bad idea bringing Ghirahim to Skyloft. He was a bad influence, he couldn’t be trusted, he was- _so thick, so goddamn thick, I’m going to break_ \- well, he was a demon. Link knew that when they started this relationship. And it took a while, you know, to go from “we were once enemies and we decided to act upon all the sexual tension suffocating us” to “actually, no, I don’t want to just fuck, we may have a relationship under all the snark comebacks”. Life on a road trip to kill Demise was one thing; real life, with everyday problems and the lack of life threats, was another game entirely.

Well, four months later, Ghirahim had kind of proved himself.

Zelda was the first to tell him he should bring Ghirahim up. She knew Ghirahim had been decisive on the destruction of Demise – even though, of course, they never told her exactly what had happened. “A battle,” Link had answered, when questioned, “a terrible, horrible, bloody battle, which still gives me nightmares. Let’s not talk about it.”

Not actually caring about the lack of details, Zelda had been a forgiving, loving Goddess and told Link to bring his demon boyfriend to Skyloft, ‘cause everyone and their grandmothers knows you are fucking the demon, Link, stop being the worst closet case ever, it’s not like you can hide him under your green hat, asshole.

So. That was that.

_MMUUUMFF!_

Link can’t get distracted. If he gets distracted, he ends up moaning. He’ll fucking scream if he’s not paying attention.

Anyway, point being: Link knew this kinda of fucked up thing would happen if he brought Ghirahim near the good, healthy people of Skyloft. Why, you wonder, did he fell into a trap he knew was waiting for him?

(Ghirahim’s cock was suddenly out of his body, just the head resting against the outside rim. Link felt empty, so empty, so desperately empty. Ghirahim circled his hole, head catching on the stretched rim. Next thing, the demon took him by the shoulders and sunk his whole thick cock inside Link, with one single movement. The moment the demon lined his cock with Link’s hole it felt like he was dragging his insides, opening him up way too much, pushing beyond the limit. Link saw stars.)

Well, somethings you can only explain with your heart. Or with some other assorted body organs, but Link would appreciate it if you could be so kind and not use this kind of vulgar speech.

Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump…

Ghirahim was moving faster now, and Link was trembling. Fuck, it was too much noise, they would end up-

“Link?”

Oh no.

“Link, are you there?” Oh hell no. Link could actually see Fledge through the woods of the partition, or at least a flash of bright, red color the Hero knew must be his friend’s bad choices in make-up. “Is that you?”

Ghirahim didn’t stop fucking him. Ghirahim didn’t slow down. Ghirahim kept ramming his ass, in fact-

thump-thump-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

In fact, the asshole was going faster.

Link couldn’t even think now, the cock in his ass was pistoning so fast Ghirahim wasn’t even hitting his prostate, but the feeling of being so thoroughly impaled by the thick member made Link’s body spasm around the cock all the same. Fledge was saying something, Fledge, oh Goddesss…

“Are you okay? Do you need my help? Should I come over? Link?”

“Hey, man, whassup?”

Fuck. It was Groose’s voice. Ghirahim finally stopped fucking him.

“Oh, hey, Groose!” Fledge returned amicable. “I was just trying to figure out what’s happening in Link’s room. Just before you got here, there were some weird noises coming from there.”

Ghirahim chose that moment to make circular moves with his cock, stretching Link even more, opening him up. Link tried to bite his own hand and prayed not to make a sound.

“Weird noises? I dunno, man, I haven’t heard a thing, but I haven’t been home the whole day. You sure those stamina potions you keep taking are not messing with your head?” they both sounded so innocent, so pure, so happy.

“We don’t want to make Fledge look like a liar, now do we?” Ghirahim whispered right against his ear. Oh, fuck. No. No, Link thought towards the demon. Please, no.

He received no mercy.

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

“Oh-oh.” Made Groose.

He knew. Groose fucking knew. The single second Ghirahim decided to fuck Link again, the moment the table started to knock against the wood, Groose knew what those sounds were. Groose’s innocence was already lost.

“See! I told you I heard some sounds!” said pure, stupid, unintelligent Fledge. “Told ya!”

“Yeah, you sure did, buddy.” Groose said, sounding disturbed beyond words. Link opened his legs wider, trying to keep the noise – bullshit. He opened his legs wider because he wanted to be fucked deeper, that’s why. “Uhm, Fledge, my man? Why don’t we… Uhm. Why don’t we go take a walk somewhere, how about that, hm?”

Link wanted to die of embarrassment. He was going to die. He couldn’t take it.

“But Groose, what if Link needs our help? Shouldn’t we go inside and check on him?”

“NO!” for a long time, the only sound was Ghirahim’s thrusts, while the demon kept going happily at Link’s ass. Groose seemed to pull himself together after a while, though. “I mean. Actually, Fledge, I just remembered, Link, uhm, bought an animal. A, hum, a Remlit. On the Surface. He said I shouldn’t go near the Remlit because it was, uhm, a wild one. Yes, uhm, a wild. Remlit.”

“This sound is a Remlit?” Fledge had doubts. Fledge was no longer a believer. Fledge was being corrupted by all this.

“Yes! Yes, a Remlit.” Groose instantly affirmed, and his voice carried a weird mix of sureness and nausea. “The sounds you’re hearing are totally Remlit related. 100% Remlit.”

“You better do a pretty meow right about now, Skychild.” Ghirahim licked inside his ear, pulling Link’s hand abruptly from his mouth, the fucking demon.

“UHH, ME-MEOW! OOOOH.” Oh, yes. So very convincing, of course.

“ _That_ was a Remlit?” Fledge asked, and his voice was definitely freaked out this time.

“Yes, yes, a Remlit, a Surface Remlit, they are different from the ones around here, now let’s just go, Fledge, I’ll buy you milk or something, let’s just fucking go away from the wild Remlit, pretty fucking please.” Groose had a tone of desperation in his voice, and Link could sympathize.

I mean, he could. He could if his ass wasn’t currently been flooded with hot come, Ghirahim giving him the last punishing thrusts just as Fledge’s door slide shut under Groose’s traumatized fingers.

Finally, finally Ghirahim wasn’t fucking anymore, sliding out of his spasming hole. Link could feel come dripping from his ass, making a mess on the floor. Fucking Ghirahim.

“What the HELL, Ghirahim, you…”

Whatever Link had been about to say had died in his throat, because apparently his mind can’t work when Ghirahim is about to suck his brain cells out of his body through his cock.

Oh, well. Maybe Fledge’s innocence wasn’t such a high price to pay, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW THIS FIC DESERVED A BETTER ENDING. I got stuck on this fucking chapter for longer than you guys can imagine. That being said, I loved every single moment of this fic, and I loved every one of you for sticking with me 'till the very end (who do I think I am, J.K.?), and I think I actually love those characters even more now. Fuck.
> 
> I am so very sorry for the long delay in finishing it, but maybe, maybe, I didn't want to let it go? I'll miss this universe. But I think we all got what we wanted from it, right? I sure hope you guys enjoyed our little ride, and I sure hope we all get to see each other again soon.
> 
> Please, even if you haven't commented all this time, I would LOVE to hear your opinion now, on this last chapter. I know this is not perfect, but I made it with love and joy.
> 
> PLEASE REVIEW! THANK YOU ALL!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Any and all reviews are welcome!


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